ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Oh my fucking god. This is a nightmare.

Because I want to be a pedant musician (and have had one too many a-whiskey neat this evening, which means I've had one), saxophone.

I died at the saxaphone fart in this episode because I am five.

The gun, which was loaded and unsecured, was stored on a shelf built into the bed in the victim's home, and in the same room in which the victim was laying in his crib.

Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra ca. "On the Town." They could ride in my hole in the ground any time.

Gene Kelly's ass! All. Day. Long. (All. Night. Long. also). OMG, that ass. My mom really liked his ass, too, but didn't admit it until she was really drunk one night late in her life. Oh, mom!

Oh, the great Astaire v. Kelly debate.

if that eyeroll was at me i would cry and also be pregger

I like this one

Speaking of omissions, where is Carl Sagan on this list?

HOTTEST GIF EVER:

So you mean he is just the kind of guy Clint Eastwood likes?

It's not even New Age or hipster!

this is happening where I live, so two interesting notes on the law:

Arguably still less horrifying than actual childbirth.

I will never forgive Ben and Jerry's for massively fucking up the single best ice cream they sold: Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. In their push to source "non-GMO" ingredients, they switched it to Coffee Toffee Crunch and it now tastes like metallic sand from a fucking oil drilling site. It's awful.

Where have you had this cookie butter before?? I want to start with the butter (pot) and work my way up to this ice cream (crack in the backseat of a dirty van)

His hairpiece needs would break you.

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus