Uh, cooking butter into a hamburger bun is kind of the most delicious thing on the planet.

I swear, every computer in school had little swastikas on it from third grade and up. It's really, really, really, stupid. Such a sad little suburban rebellion.

I love those kinds of stories. About a week ago, my boyfriend posted a super cute video of our cat chilling in the sink to Facebook. The only problem was that there was a mirror right behind the sink, and my boyfriend had just gotten out of the shower, so he was naked. And facing the mirror. He tagged me in it and I…

This is why I'm always the "uptight" girl in the group hyperventilating from fear when someone stands right next to the edge of a tall anything. Once I had a full-on panic attack because my friends and I were watching fireworks on the roof of an apartment building and some of the dudes were standing inches (like three…

I'm killing myself if shorteralls come back.

How many pigs will this buy me?

I also had a very small ceremony. We were at a local brewery and I gave a few friends $100 to do whatever they could with decorations. We had an array of pies and cakes from a great restaurant nearby along with pizza, wings, and homemade stuff. It was perfect, fun, and didn't cost an arm and a leg. Do whatever makes…

Is that like Sierra Mist? Is it good?

No, and fuck you. Jezebel should be able to post articles about whatever they damn well please without having to deal with rape gifs and gore porn and whatever the fuck else. Those are being used as a silencing tool, and your comment is no better.

Ah, mothers. So completely desensitized to their own child's poop that they assume the rest of the world must also be. And so completely hyper vigilant about germs that they are incapable of spreading that changing pad on the bathroom floor (which, being a food establishment, is likely cleaned every single day) and…

Society managed not to collapse despite the institution of slavery, lack of women's suffrage, and more than two decades of the Jerry Springer Show. I'd pick a better metric for civilization than society's failure to collapse if I were you.

I have had this happen at more than one restaurant I've worked at. Grown up restaurants without children's menus. One of these restaurants, however, had changing tables in the restroom. The entitled parents (both were present in at least one situation I remember) decided changing their baby's diaper at the table was a…

There also need to be changing tables in the MEN'S restrooms as well. On a recent road trip, I walked into a Love's rest stop/truck stop to use the ladies' room. I passed the men's room door first. NBD. Then as I hit the ladies' room door, I saw a "Baby Changing Station" sign on the door. Then it hit me that the sign…

This happened to me. (Having to change a diaper in a bathroom without a changing table).

She didn't want to take everyone back to the minivan to do the diaper change.

Do we share a news feed?

I can assure you the bride...

You sound like the perfect candidate for an elopement. Seriously, I'm not being snarky.

I'm just sad that such an awesome poorly spelled tirade wasn't followed by @15 inspirational maybe-tangentially-related to the subject matter hashtags, a la: #butthurtbride #selfie #nofilter #marriedinmanolos #herbalife #fithappyandhealthy #donttalktrashaboutmeifyouwanttocometotheweddingofthecentury #openbar…