Mr. Water refers to this habit as “having a security penis” (like a security blanket). Guilty. I mean...they’re just comforting to play with?

*writhes in agony* WARSH. UGH. NO.

Same! Spent most of my life in Oregon, have lived in Portland for all but one year of my entire life, and I very rarely hear anyone say “melk”. Which is good, because I would smack them.

It’s really not possible, just like it’s not with elephants, because both animals roam miles and miles a day and require that to maintain good health.

And with Jennifer Westfeldt in Friends With Kids. He could have chemistry with a brick wall, I’m thinking.

I'm not a tube mascara person anymore because I'm too cheap and lazy, but when I was I LOVED Clinique Lash Power.

I'm not a tube mascara person anymore because I'm too cheap and lazy, but when I was I LOVED Clinique Lash Power.

I got horrible smudging with that stuff too. I really wanted to like it. My eyelashes looked amazing. But just...no. Too much black undereye going on.

I got horrible smudging with that stuff too. I really wanted to like it. My eyelashes looked amazing. But just...no.…

I think you mean McMenamins' everything on the damn menu is awful. The cheap movies are great though!

Rolled up button down shirts... (bites knuckle)

Plus sized maternity is a fucking nightmare. I can't even imagine adding tall into the mix. :(

PLEASE

I second the suds! I whipped up a good soapy wine froth with a whisk and that caught them very well.

I live five minutes from Ikea and I go on, like, a Tuesday morning and it's HEAVEN. Saturdays, though? Kill me.

Yep, me too. I always see the big two-packs of baby shampoo at Costco that I used to get. No more. I'll keep my $ for a company that isn't blatantly assholish.

My husband does too. He's super tall and so him + standing = mess, more then usual, so he just sits. It's fucking awesome. I potty trained my 3-year-old boy to pee sitting down and I hope he keeps it up. His future significant other will thank me.

Yes. Once upon a time when my babies were even littler than they are now and I could NEVER escape the house, I would indulge in a Dominos sandwich and soda delivery once a week (plus lava cakes if it had been an exceptionally shitty week). I tip well and I was always cheerful and polite, and I would frequently get…

It just wouldn't be a modeling-related Jezebel comment section without you!

There was also one of the devil leaning in to lick a chocolate (?? Maybe?) ice cream cone.

I searched "poop ice cream" because I guess I'm feeling 12 today or something.

Social experiment!