Honestly, Jessica Simpson didn’t seem that drunk. Maybe a tiny bit. But give her credit, she’s kind of a nobody now. Let her be tipsy. The best thing she’s got going is selling her clothing line on HSN. I would show up kind of drunk to that too, if that was my life.

My office window overlooks right into our neighbor’s deck. I’ve lived in this apartment for about 3 years now and have never seen anyone come in our out of that house or hang out on the deck, and suddenly there they are. I have a theory that it’s an AirBnB thing but my husband shoots that down when I bring it up.…

True, but even when they track down Uber drivers, they just ban them and that’s it. Uber needs to remodel their screening system to start preventing shit like this from happening, instead of what’s currently happening where they don’t do a good enough background check and then wait till something scary happens.

B.J. Novak is in my top 5 list of most punchable stupid looking faces in Hollywood.

Yeah well women can barely have anything, you garbage person.

Poor Mister Brad :( I was a full-time barista for about 13 years before I finally quit and went back to school. Making coffee as a way to pay my rent, feed myself, and basically live stripped me of any fucks to give towards people and turned me into a gigantic misanthropic asshole. I don’t even go to coffee shops…

WTF? Are you still friends with this person? To me, this is grounds to terminate a friendship. I don’t care how long I’ve known the person. If they’re going to throw a shit fit at me because I didn’t buy them a gift, then they can go fuck themselves. I don’t associate myself with bratty grown women who will humiliate…

- Going to shitty dive bars at 1 am. I can’t do the smell of cigarette smoke from 1965 embedded in dirty carpet and the general smell of liquor that seems to be wafting through the air at all times. Also on the subject of bars, I have a friend who will eternally be 19 years old (even when she’s 40) and she dragged me…

I’ve been to Japan a few times, and I have a bunch of tattoos on my arms. The only time someone asked me to leave was when I went to a bath house, and it was once. Other than that, I didn’t get a lot of weird looks or refusals to enter any place, even in Kyoto.

nastygal.com looks like a real gem of a website. Is this what’s hip now? Who the hell wears shit like this?

I’ve had some insane tragic stories that made up most of my youth, and a lot of people drunkenly tell me, “You should write a book! About your life!!!” and I always say no because I’m a bad writer, and also who the fuck cares about me? I don’t even care about me. Memoirs seem like the most self-centered,…

Seeeeeeeriously. I’m pissed at Weiner for forcing fucking Megan on us. She was the worst part of that show, and more Megan screen time meant less Betty screen time.

Me: Hey, i’m ready to do some wet dick stuff with you tonight ;) ;) :D I’m feeling so good right now...

I seriously keep thinking this guy is playing the saxophone in this photo.

I remember fingerbanging! It was so important. Like, such a big deal that a single index finger would enter into my pussy, and I thought that was the most that could ever fit in there, and that it meant so much to both of us, on an emotional level. As a teen, all I cared about was getting a boyfriend and dancing with…

Jesus fuck. After I read this, I was annoyed at her view on cancer and her stupid comments on music, but the Time magazine thing about how children are the point of life makes me want to vomit.

KYLIE JENNER’S CREEPY ALIEN FINGERS AHHHHH

*raises hand* Me. I'm unemployed, and my husband makes a tiny bit over $30,000, and we live in California. I get benefits while I go to school (BOG waiver, Cal grant), but we've applied for food stamps and we've never qualified.

It was Thanksgiving morning. I woke up early to check on the turkey, since I was going all out and going big for TGiving for the first time ever. I had questions that I needed to google, so I grabbed my laptop and opened it up. Sometimes my boyfriend, at the time, would use my computer to upload all his graffiti…