The pesto tortellini bowl. I could eat it for lunch three times a week.

I’m another. I love a lot of old school jazz but there are plenty of fantastic contemporary singers and musicians. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are not among them.

I like to reference Marge’s description of her sisters from The Simpsons: “It’s Patty who has chosen a life of celibacy. Selma has simply had celibacy thrust upon her.”

Maybe they could start with the BH Season 1 episode where Taylor throws her daughter a completely over the top birthday (and made sure to set aside time to give herself a photo shoot).

“A fashion show with no fashions. How dreadful.”

Of all the couples in the Housewives lexicon, I kind of think Simon and Alex are most perfect for each other.

Bonnie Hunt and Niecy Nash sum up the Kim Zolciak / Nene dynamic well for beginners.

Mario’s a dirtbag but poor guy probably just wanted to have a martini and go to sleep when he got home that night.

I remember when Ramona set to seduce him when he got home one night (I think it was around the time their vow renewal when she couldn’t stop talking about how perfect their marriage was) and he was just like “Ohhhhh. Yay?”

Don’t forget the satchels of gold.

Yeah, she actually tried to help, didn’t she? Can’t imagine that happening now.

Same. But I bet if I went back and rewatched the first few seasons with a bottle of wine (not Pinot Grigio), I’d still enjoy them.

That episode was back when I really liked Sonja. I loved when Kelly shrieked at her that Bethenney called her a hooker and and Sonja just flicked her wrist and said “Oh, I thought that was funny!”

AL SHARPTON!

See, I think she could have been a good comic actress. She’s fine in Dirty Dancing, sure. But the scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off when her mom yells at her to stop making out with Charlie Sheen at the police station and she awkwardly slinks down the stairs while *trying* to be cool? That’s funny stuff.

I bet Vicki and the Baroness from Sound of Music would have a lot to discuss over martinis.

There’s a scene where Sharon (as Susan) is yelling at her dad about Vicki and toward the end of her rant, she sort of half-heartedly hits the wall of the room with a pillow and sighs.

I adored the original when I was a kid and my mom had to go and point out how fucked up the premise actually is. I was like “Shut up mom! You’re just...oh wait, you’re totally right.”

There should be a humanitarian international dating site or app to help pair disgruntled Americans with partners in better countries.

Daniel-Day Lewis is going to come out of retirement, isn’t he?