My main takeaway from this piece was a very clear mental image of the Sexual Harassment Rhino...

I'm also worried about Nicholas Cage. Not about him causing the Rapture. Rather, he appears to be part of the vast space cats*/illuminatti/free mason/kinja conspiracy to [insert choice of conspiracy theory here].

It's not wrong to say "eh, not my type." It is problematic to assume that your preferences are universal, or that you've got some insight into what makes people beautiful for all.

Laura NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! God damn it. Its always a little sad when a writer moves on but this is the first time its made me cry. ;~~;

Yes, well. Only a problem if people are getting tattoos in order to please you.

I AM GOING TO MISS YOU, SEA TURTLE!!!!! <3

"Thanks for making that dick I like to suck!"

One can only hope.

My darling Lindy,

No, it doesn't sound stupid at all and it's not weird. I totally get that. I was sexually abused as a kid too and I considered myself a virgin until I willingly had sex with a trusted partner as a teen. Throw pregnancy in there, and for sure, it gets more complicated. However, I see our reactions to our abuse as a way…

Throw in some bee-stung lips, lengthen the torso, add a little bit of leg. . .

I love a man who likes to be pegged.

Take to high school reunion in basket; when asked by bitchy ex-popular alpha girl if 'you ever had any children' smile, say 'just this one!' and whip off cover.

Holy shit.

oh god, it's Pennywise the Crown

Could be worse

See, the cast of Passions would have been better than this.

I had a girlfriend buy me a cock ring once and I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful.

It's okay I'm way more aroused by this one, right?