The fact that he’s not Ryan Tannehill.

We are Diaz Brothers stans, but we’ll note a good burn when we see one.

A lot has changed since your coma. We’ve had a black president for almost 8 years now.

Imagine knowing that there were children being enslaved out there and being like, “You know what, I shouldn’t talk about this to all these reporters, it might distract them from their rightful focus on Matt Hasselbeck.”

Mark Sanchez: That’s bullshit! Coach said he cut me because he didn’t want to see me poise in his offense.

I can't get the video to work, and I don't know these guys by their names. Will someone tell me what color they are so I can form my opinion?

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

Not the idiot we want, but the idiot we deserve.

What the horse said to Christopher Reeve?

Alex: That's correct. You win!

but his character made him that six-tool guy

In case you hadn’t noticed (or haven’t been around long enough), Kinja has been a staggering clusterfuck of unusability since its very first iteration 5+ (?) years ago.

He was just trying to incubate a Charmander.

Bosa’s mom is publicly wishing that her son had “pulled an Eli Manning”

A priest, a rabbi, and a weight lifter walk into a bar. The weight lifter —

OK, but do you think he’ll say bad things about Jay Cutler?

No, nothing forced about it. It’s funny that insecure pussies like you exist. You run around just waiting for all those bad guys so you can live out your hero fantasy. And the funniest thing of all? The fact that you do it while wearing fucking cargo shorts. I love it. We’re all laughing at you, pussy.

This has gotta be tough for Yankees fans. I mean, first the Cowboys and Lakers, now this?

We’re around. We just have very little to discuss.

Glad to see Dellavedova playing some pickup games to stay in shape this offseason.