You know what else may not make you cool, but is also a pretty infallible indicator of cool? Liberal application of Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

Stop being jealous and get a bike and get with the program, ya dum dum.

Oooooh, is this performance art where you two pointlessly argue back in forth in a piece about a stupid, pointless argument?

I would much rather have Jerry Jones as a team owner than Dan "It's Not Racist Because One Person Said It's Not Racist" Snyder.

She's waiting for a bus.

Why Is There Poop on My Spaghetti? An Investigation

They pulled some stories about a previous Reds owner out of a fear of being Schott.

On Monday, the Cincinnati Enquirer published a story about Robert and Deanna Castellini being arrested on domestic violence charges.

It wasn't Carmelo. He wouldn't even pass gas.

It's okay Bill, you've still got the Gates Foundation.

Justin Verlander

"Upon seeing this, ESPN executives immediately set upon rectifying the situation: Terminating Beadle and apologizing to Smith and Bayless for any offense her comments may have caused."

Its right next to Uranus. *high fucking five*

For drinking beer at Coors Field?

No you won't. It's over. I'm sorry.

I mean ten fucking years and the same goddamned ties? Jesus, it's like nobody here's been to Joseph A. Bank before.