Kellys ranked:

Breaking: US men’s curling beats Canada. Canada is officially in mourning.

We all want things.

Here in New England, it is so warm that there is a Heat Index.

Phil’s commitment to the triangle is unrelenting.

It has been alleged that a former officer of the organization engaged in various acts of inappropriate conduct toward women over a period of years. This individual left the employment of the Mavericks nearly three years ago

Do you have health insurance? Life insurance? Insurance on your home or car? Why are you so scared? Is your house going to burn down? Are you going to get in an accident? See what I did there? SCHOOLED

These are getting bought up by douche canoes trying to make a quick buck.

To be fair, he is probably exhausted from having more sex than any of the 113 men who finished in front of him.

I was expecting a hot blonde walking off in a huff, throwing her pom-poms down in a fit of rage, and doing a walk off double bird salute with long pedicured nails as she disappears from sight.
I hate clickbait headlines.

God, that is one of the best bits in that entire series. “Carooool! Carooool! And you know what? There is no Carol!”

Guess you didn’t see him get 25 assists in a game a couple weeks ago, or two triple doubles this year...

Rondos happy as hell and doing great in NOLA. Thomas just got kicked off the Cavs cuz no one liked him. two different stories.

In baseball it’s the Marlins.

That building came out of nowhere.

Fun fact: Iggy and Swaggy are Emmett Smith’s favorite characters on the Simpsons.

I have a new theory: Andy Kaufman was reincarnated as Markelle Fultz, and his shooting stroke is going to end up being a years long performance-art piece that will be hilarious in retrospect.

Deadspin’s really going all in on the figure skating stuff which I didn’t really get at first but the more I think about it, what with no meaningful hockey and everything, I’m probably going to find this stuff invaluable come Olympic time.