All this love gets directed at Billie. Just imagine losing half your family in a few days over Christmas. :(

Burke was 9 years old when his sister died, and she was sexually assaulted. Male DNA recovered from her panties did not match that of any family member.

Thank you everyone.

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry.

I’m so, so sorry. So many hugs to you.

The dark Irish humor in me completely agrees, especially having had a mother who reveled in being the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. (Memories of my own mother, who had been divorced from my father for a decade after a 20-year tumultuous marriage, appearing at his funeral in full black…

Columbo would be cosier than Matlock, but I still would :)

If you make this a theme park, I want to book a vacation to it.

I love everything about this. Am big on the reindeer petting plan.

Tell me you’ll have some good Danish (cheese, cherry, pineapple) and some strong Danish coffee and sublime Danish cheeses.

Would attend.

PLEASE invite me. I’ll get you a fondue set or crocheted lambswool leg warmers.

“What kind of napkins are you going to have?”

I really really really fucking really really really want to go to this wedding. There should probably be a “tiny house” involved too, don’t you think?

I got married in 2005 - pre-social media - and I felt same way about planning it. A little bit perplexed, a little bit stressed about $$, but mostly I just did. not. give. a. shit. about any of the things everybody around me insisted I care about. (WTF is a “wedding color”? Why do I have to pick one??) I was too young…

We are planning a Hygge themed wedding. The bridesmaids’ dresses will be warm Scandinavian knit sweaters, the groom has been growing a long bushy beard and on the wedding day he’ll be hiding cinnamon sticks and star anise in it and the bride will be driven into the wedding venue in a 1974 beige Volvo station wagon.…

I am wedding planning for 2017 and I am also sick of these trends. I only get my period every 2 months so it’s been impossible for me to collect enough menstrual blood to make my signature cocktail. 

It definitely is. I attended a wedding in Michigan where they GAVE EVERYONE CROCS and made us wear them.

I read way too many of these (up until “foxhead garlands”) before realizing this was satire.