But how else would you strike up a conversation with a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket after meeting at Citibank? Gotta have that pen at the ready.

I try not to pass over the jokes when there’s a latke of ‘em to choose from.

I came here for this joke. I’m leaven satisfied.

How to tell when your bread dough has risen:

Don’t blame me; I voted for Yomagn’tho.

This, sadly, does not mean they won’t still vote for him because a racists, sexist currupt asshole is ‘still better than a democrat”

That’s some cursed monkey paw shit right there.

In hindsight it’s pretty clear that Trump’s 2015 “I like people who don’t get caught” comment about McCain was a watershed moment for the GOP. Until that point, Trump had of course said a lot of horrible and stupid things, but he hadn’t really attacked and disgraced anything that the GOP held as absolute sacrosanct.

I bet she does weigh the same as a duck, though...

He was a political prisoner! He kicked a giant mouse in the butt, do I have to draw you a diagram?

Weirdly, college-educated people saw the biggest drop, from 50 percent support among college grads in December to 35 percent now.

I couldn’t possibly give less of a fuck what Pelosi thinks. I’m not a huge fan of impeachment because strategically, at this point, it’s a horrible idea. The Senate will never vote to actually impeach him, and a failed impeachment will just give him a victory leading up the the elections that’ll rile up his base and…

You are more optimistic than I am. I don’t think Trump could be successfully removed from office even if Mueller has pictures of him giving Putin a blowjob and nuclear codes at the same time.

Human life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate.

Just remember that a “21% increase” in the likelihood of an unlikely event such as early death makes it....still pretty damn unlikely. If you have a 0.1% chance of early death, and you drink 2 sodas per day, you now have a 0.121% chance of early death.

Since the ultra rich are being criticized, we should expect to be told we are jealous by poor people who Stan for the rich in every matter. Any minute now. Jealous.

Don’t worry, the right will be back to bitching about affirmative action in a day or two.

Now you’re nitpicking. You probably have to give us your definition of socialism so we can answer the question properly. Because for most of us socialism = social democracy. Whereas it seems like for you socialism = communism?

We’re through the looking glass here.

I’m Walt Disney, who the hell are you?