KICK IN JUNK. Problem solved.

I only knew from Family Guy! (Different generations.) Otherwise, Elaine is my spirit animal ("sponge worthy")

A bath is disgusting. I would rather shower in clean water.

What will the next generation do without Seinfeld teaching them the ways of men's penises?

Boners can easily happen without sexual arousal, or even thinking about anything related to sex, or even in profoundly unsexy situations.

Also, men do not space between urinals because of homophobia (waaaay too many women believe this), they do it because standing next to another guy at the urinal is awkward. Imagine,…

something apparently men AND women* don't know about women : women don't pee out of their vaginas! THERES A SEPERATE TEENY TINY HOLE THAT OU PEE OUT OF AND IT IS NT IN YOUR VAGINA

When my daughter was 2, she had a toy turtle sprinkler that broke within the first 10 seconds of using it (no spraying water, just gushing from the bottom). I did nearly the same thing, building this soda bottle sprinkler. I tossed it in the yard, turned it on, and immediately thought "Wow: you're too cheap to run to…

Being dumb is a turnoff. Seriously. Worst possible thing anyone could do.

Her mom was a failed human Malibu Stacy. It's learned behavior.

These are mildly weird until you get to that one. That's why I saved that for last.

I live in Barcelona and trapping people in the train doors to rob them is pretty common. They also have one guy drop a pack of cigarettes at the top of the escalator and while he's blocking you to retrieve it his companion is lifting your wallet.

This may be obvious, but a hex bit makes assembling Ikea furniture and such a heck of a lot quicker! Plus it saves your fingers from those small allen wrenches.

At least she has a sense of humor about it. I think I remember reading that even if rib removal were a thing that it wouldn't actually make your waist look smaller. Well, what I remember is this: "Rib removal is an urban legend. [sounds of adults on the Peanuts cartoons talking] ...and that is why rib removal is an…

Yeah, I don't get this reason either. At all. If you just don't want to have kids, fine, but to not want them because in addition to art and knowledge and goodness there are also terrible things going on seems - counterproductive? After all, lots of terrible people will have kids, so denying the world the offspring of…

I despise this argument against having kids. No doubt there's bad in this world. But it's also the place where all the beautiful stuff happens.

I'm a weirdo optimist. Statistically (as Erin kind of points out in this article) we are getting actually significantly less violent, globally. I also actually think that having things like war and violence more in our faces via the internet is making us more aware (awareness is step one at least) of global…

Counterpoint: It's people who make the world both fucked up and awesome. If everyone said, "This shit sucks and I don't want anyone else to experience tragedy," we'd never have landed on the moon or cured many diseases or figured out how to make cheesecake. If everyone opted out, we wouldn't have Eleanor Roosevelts or…

Now imagine that inside the Fleshlight is deafeningly loud machinery that causes a pair of rings to grip the artificial-skin sleeve and move up and down at varying speeds.

This is what happened to the Autoblow1.

Still my Favorite. Giggles everytime