Australians don't hump...

Bless Her Heart.

I am a parent of a 3 1/2 year old. I was occasionally spanked as a child. My husband was regularly hit with belt or similar as a child. Spanking is not one of our punishment tools.

I enjoy a good spanking on occasion.

Please don't take me there.

So there's an animal that has Death by Snu Snu?

Yes, that's a glaring historical inaccuracy. None of the people Cleopatra turned into pink sand for giving her hot Cheetos were Muslim.

My first thought, too, along with the fact that Egyptians didn't start speaking Arabic until the 7th Century. However, the Arabian peninsula is nearby and Arab-speaking Jews and Christians refer to God as Allah. So, we apparently have a Jewish or Christian convert who travelled from the Arabian peninsula in an…

As a religious person, I could not agree with you more.

Sorry, religious people, the time when you dictate what people can or can't do must come to an end. The corrosive nature of your influence has outweighed the positive.

I think this is the fault of Big Pharma, pumping toxins into our children's bloodstreams. Clearly these kids need to eat more organic food. Also, they need to get some healing crystals. Healing crystals fix everything.

Honestly, I sometimes envy people like this a bit. Such deranged self confidence must be like riding a Transformer to a new planet every day.

I've been pining for one of those. I feel certain they'll be very poplar.

What in the bootleg Remember The Time fuckery is this?

Everything she does makes my teeth hurt.

NO

Between this and the Miley Cyrus video, I'm starting to think David Lynch is flying under the radar with pseudonyms to follow his dream of becoming a pop music video director.

Pretty much none of that crap is true.

I would literally rather never see a woman president in my lifetime than endure a Bachmann presidency.

I totes fixed your headline for you.