Celine Dion’s, “It’s All Coming Back to Me”.

Honey, fuckin YOLO. Give zero fucks about what other people say and you do you.

Ask Joey or Chandler to pee on you.

Camping with Klonopin for the win! I was in a tent within a tent, too, and it was full of blankets, pillows and an air mattress. I love camping until we have to sleep then I get a little BEARSWHEREOMG! Camping with Klonopin is going to be my eventual memoir title.

I was kind of surprised at this recipe I got in Blue Apron! And get Blue Apron, it’s the shit. So good and no food waste. Good food from good sources, too. Anyhoo, I baked a sweet potato, then topped it with plain greek yogurt with scallions and red wine vinegar mixed in. Fucking delicious.

Guys. My husband moved out yesterday morning. I’ve never lived alone and sure as fuck didn’t think I’d be getting divorced. Lemme have it! What do I do first? What should I do next? Tell me your wisdom, Jezzies. I need a shoulder.

Are you my cousin, too? Because this same thing happened to my sister.

My stomach just turned. HA!

Nothin beats a squeaky clean ass crack!

I was taking a shower and washing my butt, as you do, and pulled on something. Kept pulling. Started freaking the fuck out. Threw whatever it was against the wall and kept freaking out. Thought for sure I had some sort of intestinal worm. It was a rice noodle. That I pulled out of my butt.

You know us well

She’s completely out of touch. Unfortunately, someone stuck a mic in front of her face. A rich, white dude told me he didn’t follow politics and I laughsnorted “yeah no shit! things have been going pretty well for you since ever.”

My sister sent me a pic of a crazy hair that was as big as her thumb is wide and promised I NEVER SPEAK OF IT EVER AGAIN. Oooops.

Maddie....can I call you Maddie? I also dream of being billionaire girlfriend.

Ugh, sorry.

Patton is speaking truth. Truth to power, if you’re down.

Murder porn!

There we have it.

I feel like Leo might be kinda freaky. Probably a #fingersinthebootyassbitch

I like your chutzpah! And shitchya, why not at least try.