I knew it was going to turn out that Jay-Z had already donated. Not because of any deep faith in HOVA but because every not-for-profit I’ve ever worked for has been plagued by constant (inadvertent) breakdowns of communication.

No one even thought of working after having kids, and few have any plans to go back even when the kids have left home.

The natural extension of the “push present.”

optimal nana sweetness? sounds like UTI waiting to happen

If I were DJ Ansolo, I’d be pretty offended I wasn’t asked to star in this vehicle.

What possible difference could it ever make in your life, my life, or the lives of literally anyone else?

The plot thickens!

I work with high school kids and when this came up in a debate, one of the very religious kids said, “THAT’S NOT TRUE, ABSTINENCE ALWAYS WORKS.”

Well damn. I can’t drink the crystal light’s and what alls (I’m definitely allergic to aspartame, no quicker route to a migraine than a diet soda, so I just stay away from all of it) but the fizz with natural essence or what the fuck is my JAM. You can have my Polar Seltzer when you pry it from my cold, fat, dead…

My mother did this to me once. “I’ll help you raise it.”

...a photo of a woman with a black eye, and the tagline, “Domestic violence. Because sometimes, you have to tell her more than once.”

Not on Rex Manning day!

First of all, I’ve already ruled on a case that I was involved in when my wonderful grandmother shaded the hell out of me.

A library+reading room accessible only through a seemingly boring, normal bookcase THAT IS SECRETLY A DOOR.
Like, full on Scooby-Doo style, pull a candlestick, rotating, secret bookcase door.

So my parents bought their retirement home from a wealthy, childless gay couple. Y’all, this spot is wall-to-wall party showers. We’re talking minimum 25 square feet in the smallest one with 3 shower heads, and the master bedroom with, no fucking shit, 12 heads total and enough room to comfortably fit at least 10-15…

This was when predictive text had been a thing for a while, and me and my brothers were trying to get my dad to use it as it was so painful to watch his slow texting. He acquiesces, sort of, but one day storms intoy room shouting that “the phone won’t write what I tell it to write”. I go “oh let me show you...” and…

Oh please. I’m pretty sure some Big Food Lobby is going to cross this one out real quick.

“I would eat the corn out of your shit”

I made a burner for this and will probably be stuck in the greys but here goes. Also, possible triggers.