I tripped and slammed head first into the corner of my kitchen wall. Got a huge bump which turned into a killer black eye. About a week later, I burst a blood vessel in my eye. Of course, I documented this for twitter because it was cool in a gross kinda way:

Righhhht. And if you rape someone, you're a rapist. Despite what you think you are or what you think you feel about women.

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

One night as a senior in high school I was high as a kite with a group of attractive men. As the night wore on I started making out with one of them and almost immediately started to have trouble breathing.

I'd like to think it was an intern who was all like "dude, what was that movie with those black people?" Hilarity ensues.

And it's not like the birth of Leia and Luke was recorded in any of the empire's files. They had no citizenship or registration stuff. Leia was an unknown baby adopted by a senator while Luke is a unknown boy born on a planet outside the empire's power. It's not like Vader can go through the Space Facebook and look…

Ugh; "humanists." A person who believes that "feminism" and "humanism" are mutually exclusive is a person who believes that women do not count as humans.

If you already like Posh, then you'll like this. If you don't, then you will now:

Feminist Tease, they will never change their perspective but waste your time with implying you might change their mind. Your reason and experience are never legitimate to his gut feelings (privilege). Additionally, him wasting your time gives him more validity because he "listened" to an outside opinion. Blerg.

I definitely dated the Radical Feminist (hi, A.) and almost married him, too. But this one...this motherfucker right here is the absolute worst:

Mine weren't by any means feminist, but I have a few exes who were attracted to me because of my ambition and independent spirit, and then got very, very annoyed when I didn't eventually bend to their will or let them be in charge in the relationship.

They're about 10 years, one tax bracket, and three guns away from being a Texas Libertarian.

Hmm. If I can't have Actual Feminist or Feminist Who Doesn't Know He's A Feminist Until You Tell Him, I'd say that Non-Feminist Good Dude is the best of the bunch.

excellent thigh gap.

Russia manages to be comically ridiculous and horribly tragic at the same time, and I'm never quite sure how to react to shit like this.

Road trip!

Makenzie. Me too.

I legit like this song. Not making fun of it

Over the lack of sexy or the fact that it's clearly his head photo-shopped onto someone else's body? I don't understand how that could possibly be him. I bet they tried it and then were like, "Nope, not going to work. But he already teased it on Twitter! Hmmm...Let's pull a Smelly Cat video and see if he notices or…