OH MY GOD. I had a co-worker that has ferrets, and they do this kneading motion with their paws when they see her and they’re happy, so she would imitate it at work when she got a big sale. When she explained it to me, I thought it was adorable, and when I noticed her doing it, I started doing it back. Now I do it all…

Oh god, pangolins. Those poor, poor pangolins. I can’t.

This needs more stars.

This is comedy gold.

I’ve been known to scream “OMG BABY DOG” at dogs being walked by their people as a passenger in a car. This is applied to all dogs, whether they are babies or not.

TIL - Even the Catholic Church needs solid proof that God is real.

She’s not the only girl in her family, right? Why does she seem so much more tightly controlled? This is insane.

If you really wanted to see bears, you’d go mountain biking in Downieville.

This would be an EPIC response to them from Yellowstone, you gotta admit.

I went into Lush once. They lured me in with talk of my pretty curls and the promise that their shampoo and conditioner would be good for me. Positing themselves as all-natural, I took that to mean that there would be no synthetic fragrances or additives. The lady gave me her spiel on the shampoo and conditioner as I…

I feel like 500 pre-printed cards of this isn’t enough...

My mother paid to have our dog cremated and sealed in a wooden box that she now keeps on the cabinet as a warning to her new dog. I’ve considered it with my cats but I could see myself spilling a sealed box quite easily anyway and I already hate vacuuming up after these cats, I don’t need to extrapolate it.

Irish/Scottish/East Coast of Canada too. In my family especially “you don’t buy the crib before the baby is born!”

Man, I’m pretty sure my school was so poor we could only afford the keyboard and the imagination.

Emphasis on Mother Loving, clearly theirs.

It’s like going to a bar and asking the live band to keep it down. :/

They had the guns WITH them. This was NOT just “talking and joking online”

I dunno... I feel like if you have to ASK...

Well, I’m not complaining.

The only thing Steve Harvey can reliably state is that at least two of the three women he’s had in his life didn’t want HIM.