Poor Ted Cruz. Even his own party hates him.

This is entirely too inside baseball, but short term continuing resolutions are a fucking horrible way to keep the government running.

Am I the only one who doesn’t find Larry Wilmore’s show funny though?

Comedy Central has really been bringing it these last few years. It’s still dominated by white men, but Larry Wilmore, Trevor Noah, Hannibal Burress all have shows. And a few ladies - Broad City, Amy Schumer, Another Period.

If you’ve ever seen early episodes of the Daily Show after Jon Stewart started hosting, they’re ... rough. Like, really rough. I’m willing to give Trevor Noah some time before I draw any conclusions.

this makes me sad because what I see there is a mug of chinos.

When I used to work at a grocery store, the register rang up Land O’Lakes Buttermilk as “LOL BUTT MILK” which is only tangentially related to this but I found it 10000% hilarious.

I don’t eat the garnishes at bars, but I don’t freak out about them since I figure the booze keeps what actually ends up in my mouth safe enough.

I’m going to invent an illness - alexia - the inability to learn new words. Every new word is just a misread old word. The same people use Mozzarella Foxfire as their web browser.

“THE DELIVERY DRIVER IS A NI-*clang!!*”

I have a confession. I was once one of these customers.

ASSEMBLE THE ENORMOUS CATAPULT!

Man, I hate it when it sands in the winter, and I have to wait for the roads to be cleared before I can drive. I hate shovelling sand in the driveway, too. THough I love making sandmen, and having sandball fights...

I could point out there’s a missing word here, but frankly, using “bacon” as a word is better than the more normal way to write this sentence.

I grew up outside of Glacier National Park and worked in the park for a few summers. One of our most common questions was: “When do the glaciers come by?” Apparently a number of people thought that the glaciers were like geysers and kept a schedule. The second most heard question: “What time of year do deer become…

If meat is murder, milk is theft (and possibly sexual assault).

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

My wife loves a good potato latte while I enjoy my cup of chinos.

I just know that at some point before I die I'm going to see a package of hamburger with a warning label "Contains meat." and it's going to be because of one of these idiots.

If Cheeseburgers are vegetarian food, then I can say with all certainty that I can be a vegetarian.