I have worked late-night fast food, and I can confirm this is nearly a job requirement.

Yeah, you also learn not to set your kid down in places where they can't be seen, lest this very thing happen. I'm still learning to visually locate my kid before I turn around in the kitchen because she sneaks up on me and stands directly behind my knees. I have kicked her by accident more than once.

Men be killing like [strangle strangle strangle] while bitches be killing like [poison poison poison]

Once again, a tabloid frames a body acceptance story in a way that allows them to appear body-positive while slyly calling Kelly Clarkson fat. I hate those stories more than anything.

I am most certainly not wearing fishnet stockings with a control top waist to camouflage my problem areas right now! How dare you!

The Ready Position solves everything.

"Do I spend my time raising money or do I spend my time raising hell?" she told reporters. "Remember, for the next two years, I will be here, working the way that I do."

That sounds like my teenager dream/adult nightmare come true. You are strong and brave and maybe in the witness protection program?

Supreme Galaxial Emperor Voight, Long May She Reign

My husband is the same way - it's such a privilege to be witness to this giant, private reservoir of love he has for our daughter. It's so tender, a rarity in this giant brute of a man.

Eh, she's said and done some questionable things in the last few years. But I'm more talking about how any star of any background suddenly gets painted wth the Virgin Mary Rebirth brush as soon as they have a baby. Sienna Miller even recently credited her recent career resurgence to the Motherhood whitewash.

I absolutely hate the dick paraphernalia thing. If that doesn't suit your friend, don't force it on her.

I mean, do we as a society deserve that?

I can't wait to see the motherhood whitewash on Naya Rivera! Prediction: In six months (or whenever she has the baby), she will be "more centered", "more at peace", feel "more beautiful than ever" and be so happy to "just focus on being a mom".

I get what you're saying. I think the bigger issue is treating babies (especially little girls) like dress-up dolls. It doesn't matter if she's wearing Givenchy or Carter's, as long as the goal is to address her basic needs and comfort. If those criteria are met, whatever.

Get off our internet, ya bum!

repeat after me: I'm never so entrapped by my own lies that my best option is to kidnap a baby.

I suppose I can allow it. But only if your kid is cute.

Parents who aggressively style their kids freak me out. The people who put their kids' OOTD on Instagram every day make me cringe. Ditto to the moms who are raising "little fashionistas".

Hang on, guys, just wait a sec. I've almost got it. Wait...