Would Brad and his wife benefit from a few cooking classes together? Small time and monetary investment to learn a few basic things (sear your poultry to make it juicy, start your spices in the pan with some oil before anything else goes in, garlic and onion go a long way towards making everything taste amazing, use…

I got hung up on that (Yank here).

I'm gonna need 10ccs of belly nuzzling STAT. If someone doesn't scritch behind those ears, this otter will die.

It's kind of hard to ask another mom, "You don't mind if I watch you breastfeed your child, do you?" I'm sure there are women willing to show you, but you kind of have to know them pretty well before you put that out there.

Being rich solves a lot of problems, actually! When I get rich, I'm hiring a fixer so that I never have to encounter another problem in my whole life.

I'd like to know what Macy's pays its 73 percent of management level executives who are female versus those who are male.

It's true, I tell ya! Coca-Cola is John Pemberton's latest Health Tonic Extraordinaire! One sip will give you a zip! Aids in digestion, dyspepsia, dropsy, decrepitude, dry bellyache, and the black lung!

I'm going to put some Google ads in my uterus so my baby comes out like, "Mom, what's this one weird trick to melt fat away I keep hearing about?"

Losing your fear of pain is incredibly liberating. It's not that I don't care if I get hurt again in my life - I will, over and over again - but it's like that moment you realize the haunted house at Halloween can't actually hurt you.

Yeah, I don't believe in predestination or anything, and I certainly don't believe that everything happens for a reason (or at least a good reason), but it's okay for her to be happy with where her life is now. It's so much better than the alternative.

Yes! It's the sense of gratitude you develop post-awfulness for the good things in your life that make being here, now, such a good thing. And you're right, your path led you here and it couldn't have gone any other way with the same outcome, so there's no wishing that it never happened.

Ugh, it's such bullshit. I couldn't endure feeling trapped at home for that long. Even though I'm sure many new parents don't spend much time out of the house after having a baby, the idea that I couldn't leave the house because my thighs were still touching would make me loony.

In case you were wondering, the male equivalent of this trope is angrily shaving the pubes. Seen it a million times!

Exactly! My mom always says if you're happy 80% of the time, you're doing really, really well. You can't get far above that for long stretches, so you have to learn to be happy at 80%. Maybe that number is different for other people, but for me, that's about right. And 80% is pretty good!

When, when, when will people figure out that, although pretty is a great side dish, it is not a satisfying main course. Pretty to me is like, whoa, I got free checks when I opened my checking account? Awesome!

The quote "Run your own race" keeps cycling back to me in the last few years. I thought it was a useless platitude when I first heard it, but it's increasingly relevant as I find out so-and-so did this and so-and-so had a baby and so-and-so is super successful. Part of me is like, "But she didn't work hard enough in…

That was very cute. But if my son ever requests that level of spectacle at his bar mitzvah, I'll be forced to say, "NO."

How big was the rest of the wedding? I'm thinking either it was a giant, 400-person affair, or there were 3 guests.

Exactly! What happens when your moment of revenge is over? If all you're focused on is that one moment, what if it didn't turn out like you thought? Have you really addressed any of the issues that have haunted you?

I feel like this unprecedented level of interest in celebrities' kids comes from the constant stream of detail we're fed about celebrities' lives. We come to know their eating habits, their exercise routines, where they are on a daily basis - I think a lot of people start to feel like they're their friends. We start…