Yesterday, I received an email from a recruiter for a job at the Reagan Presidential Library. For a minute, I thought it would be hilarious to send in an entirely trolling resume, noting time spent with ACT UP, the DNC, etc., but then thought that could be damaging professionally.
A friend of mine just goaded me into downloading Snapchat. I then spent the next 10 minutes frantically tapping and sliding all over that mess of an app to no avail. We have reached Programming The VCR levels of befuddledness. Send help, and dick pics, which is apparently the only actual use this app gets.
Happy Friday, Clashtalk! Before you say, "I have already seen this ridiculous aerobics video floating around for the last week," hold that thought because if you haven't seen the Taylor Swift version, you have not lived.
More importantly, how do we get Kally Faircluth fired for this grievous offense?
Mallory Ortberg hits it out of the park, again.
I woke up Tuesday morning to about 20 emails in a single chain about a family holiday over Christmas. However, I quickly realized they weren't from my family. The woman who started the chain used the wrong email address (the intended recipient and I share the same, not that common name) and apparently no one noticed…
I mean: what? Why on earth was this person brought in? We are talking six full pages, here. It may be every job they've ever had.
Maybe I've finally cracked from the never ending torrent of depressing shit heaped upon us all over the last few weeks, but this made me laugh out loud.
From my Norwegian phase:
I often browse The Kitchn for recipe ideas when I get stuck in a cooking rut. I found this recipe for kale salad a month or so ago, and decided to give it a shot. Making another batch of the salad for lunches this week, I happened to scroll down into the comments, whereupon I saw this gem:
And if you like it, there's more in the replies.
Etiquette question: if the service at a restaurant is terrible, but they make up for it by giving you an absurd number of free drinks, how generously do you tip?
Alright, kids. The Clashtalk pool party is just a few weeks away, and that means it is time to put down the pudding pie and basil ice cream, and hit the gym. Here's a tune to get you moving.
This woman has really nailed the high-as-a-kite Friedman voice. My favorite line: "Silicon Valley is like an upside-down-reverse Venezuela and it won't stop watching me from the shadows."
Our performance review process is officially fucked. Despite doing work that has some fairly obvious quantitative measures, 80% of our assessment is focused on vague bullshit about adaptability and values. I like values. I have values. But I don't want to spend two hours of the day—in the middle of one of our…
A little while back, someone started up a "what does your CLT handle mean?" posts. I didn't weigh in at the time (although I think I have in previous iterations), but mine comes from a short story by Lydia Davis, aptly titled "A Mown Lawn."
The PA ACLU has announced that Judge John Jones III—clearly born to be a judge, with that name—is expected to issue his decision today on Whitewood v. Wolf, the ACLU's lawsuit challenging the state's ban on same-sex marriage. If he strikes down Pennsylvania's version of DOMA, it will be a huge step forward for gay…
I feel compelled to tell you all that my elderly pet eagle, Snaxamillion von Riegersfeld, has late onset juvenile eagle cancer. It will be a trying few months for my family, but I believe that, with your Kickstarter donations, we will pull through this.
The office thermostat currently tells me that it is approximately 82 degrees. At what point am I allowed to scatter sand outside my office, break out a beach chair and a beer, and take a nap?