This needs to be a sponsored post. I don’t know who Charlie XOXOXO is, but y’all gotta stop trying to make her happen. and for God’s sake, no one makes mixtapes these days. She isn’t sitting at home with her 2 cassette players.Home girl recorded in the studio as singers usually do.

Hey Melania! How’s it going, girl?

MLM is straight up evil. “Work your own hours! Own your own business!” Bull Fucking Shit. You are an unpaid employee who has to buy your own product, no insurance or time off, and you get shamed if you don’t brainwash your friends. Like skincare? Work at Sephora and actually make some money.

I feel like I always knew my family didn’t have enough money, but it took me a while to understand that being poor wasn’t something we could fix easily. Why is our house so much smaller than my friends? Why do my parents drive embarrassingly old cars (my friends wouldn’t ride with me)? I never had Esprit or other name…

I was working in the local indie rock store when the news broke. One of our buyers was on the phone with Geffen (Nirvana’s label) at the time so we knew before most. It was somber- we played their catalog start to finish, took turns using the store phone to tell friends and even got interviewed by the local news crew.…

Seriously. 5 fucking days?!? I went in reading this with an open mind, thinking maybe she gave birth before they could legitimately take her to a hospital. Wouldn’t the onsite doctor be all “yessir, she is in labor” at some point during those 5 days? Shameful.

Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, racism is made.

Admittedly, I would pull Barbie’s head off all the damn time when I was young, so I can’t judge. That eye thing is scary af.

That is terrifying!

Ok, I know nothing about American Girl dolls but why the fuck are you taking her head off?

I kind of like it. Very Kat Bjelland in 1993.

Cutoff Levi’s over black tights, Docs, and a black band t-shirt for day, a black velvet top for night. If I was feeling especially sexxxy I would swap the tights for thigh high stockings. I ❤ the 90's.

Dead helicopter parents gonna keep helicopterin’.

I think she was just a fake heroin addict, like Frey. You know, shooting heroin one day and hiking the next, with no messy detox needed.

At least dear Cat is a legit junkie. I hate whiny posers that smoked pot a couple of times and “bravely” fought their way back to sobriety. That terrible Reese Witherspoon Hiking movie is a prime example. Fake druggies are the worst.

It’s unique, huh? The jort panties, the funeral wreath, the veil...

Amen. I’m in the hotel industry, and the Amex Fine Hotels & Resorts program offers the best perks (and rates) out there.

The first rule of Magnificent Penis Club is to tell everyone you see that you are in Magnificent Penis Club.

She is a hell of a performer, so I think she can pull it off, even though I was hoping for a hologram of Eric Cartman to duet on “Poker Face”.

No wonder he doesn’t have time for briefings. Between tweeting and commenting on Jez, there is no time left in the day.