I was five when my family took me to Jones Beach on Long Island. I got bored and decided I wanted to see how far the beach went, so I started walking. I walked and walked until I saw a pier and figured, that’s the end of the beach. So I started walking back until I found my family, which was nearly five hours later.

“The first time your kid pees in your face.”

Here’s a well-known “Negative Parenting Moment” that WE ALL KNOW...

I was babysitting a kid and playing on the swings with her. She flew out of her swing when it was basically at the top of its arc and fell flat on her face. I stopped and waited breathlessly for the wail— but she bounced up laughing hysterically. Never been so relieved.

I’m crying at my desk. You took me on a journey <3

My dad shaved off his beard 36 years ago and I still don’t know who that child molester/axe murderer in my house was.

My father did that once.

The first days I gave into various levels of screen time.

Here’s one I never would have thought of before being a parental figure. The boy was about 4 or 5 at the time. I walked into the bathroom one morning, noticed how much grey was in my mustache, and decided to shave it off right then.

Btw, my mom was guilty of a few.

My dad accidentally slammed the (heavy as fuck) doors to his Porsche on my fingers when I was 7. No broken bones. And was fine a couple of hours later. My mom still hasn’t forgave him lol

“ The first time your kid rolled off a couch and fell HARD. AS. SHIT. on the floor while you were in the kitchen”

3. The first time your kid rolled off a couch and fell HARD. AS. SHIT. on the floor while you were in the kitchen

For Brutus is an honorable man;

You’re right. That’s not a popular opinion. I grew up in Chicago, went to Milwaukee and they’re problems and successes are no different than anywhere else. I mean, sex trafficking is bad but shit like that goes on in every city, big and small. Although I’m willing to hear your “evidence.”

“There’s a light here! I can’t rape anyone here!” Said no rapist ever.

English is a trash language, moreso in that it takes junk from every other language, incorporates it, and then pretends it was always there. ( “I got a glance at the lieutenant’s chevrons before he whacked me with his shillelagh.”) People that scream “speak english” at other Americans or emmigrees to the US just make…

Dictionary apps that feature audio pronunciation. Life changing.

Can everyone start barking every time our embarrassment of a president and his racist anti-science cronies talk? That would be awesome.

I can dig it. Perhaps White people (or anyone who is a guest at a conversation where they have more social power than the participants) and learn to be quiet and speak when spoken to.