When I was shopping for a new car, my wife kept asking how I would listen to music with no CD player.

Thanks for that. Every time someone mentions that guy I get another look at that greasy, Baby Huey looking mother-fucker showing off his moose-knuckle in a onesie.

The Force abides. I don’t know about you, but I take comfort in that.

Jackson broke duel protocol (his pistol failed to fire on his first shot) and bleeding from a chest wound close to his heart recocked his pistol and fired again, killing the man who had insulted his wife.

I barbacked for this one country bartender and that was one of her country phrases, usually used like “I woke up feeling like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag”. The other involved smashed assholes, “That girl looked like a bag of smashed assholes”.

That’s because the new model for people like Malone isn’t being a musician, it’s being some kind of internet celebrity. Game the YouTube algorithm, get a million Instagram followers, maybe show up on some Vice thing where everyone eats convenience store hot dogs, until you’re an influencer rolling in ad click dollars.

Pretty sure his name is Captain Kangaroo.

So it’s a day ending in Y?

Unfotunately John’s liver just didn’t have the experience to deal with all the hard liquor he needed to drink after each new revelation about our candidates past.

So the alt-right tried to smear Clinton with a made up Pizzagate conspiracy involving sex with children, but now that it’s a Republican we have a pastor coming out telling us why it’s okay to have sex with children.

So it’s 2017, and in the context of a national senatorial election, Alabama pastor Flip Benham is explaining to the world why it’s okay to have sex with children.

Star Lord, man. Legendary Outlaw.

As I understand Talese’s argument, it is this:

Well how else is he going to build 68,000 new nukes after Shillary and Obummer gave all the uraniums away?

That’s not the only thing crooked in that picture.

Looks like dude raped his 3 year old son, but hey keep defending your edge lord jokes.

The whole problem with this “let’s just let the Nazis talk” bullshit is the Nazis think this is their time to come out. We need to let them know that this is not their time, and they need to go back to their Klaverns and be ashamed. Every half-baked idea is not worthy of public debate.

What she is saying is the same stupid NRA good guy with a gun bullshit. If everyone at the music festival was armed they would have morphed into 20,000 John McClane Yippee Ki Yay motherfuckers and everyone would have lived happily ever after.

She also augmented this argument with an incredibly loud, piercing, dog whistle

Miley Cyrus’ little sister.