So I had this girlfriend, she was 6' 5" built like a viking warrior. I felt like a little kid standing next to her. One time she slammed her purse into my chest and waded into a bar fight. Just glorious. What were we talking about?

Mr. Churchill, you silly kitty, why are you sleeping on my laptop.

We've been with you, killing mice and sitting on your laps for millenia. Atlantis, Babylon, Egypt, there with you. You want to get away? Where are you going to go? Go where?

Just because you're a Buddhist monk doesn't mean you're not an asshole. You can believe the clockwork of the universe punishes the bad and rewards the good, but that isn't how karma works.

Kismet is accepting fate. Shit happens. The cycle of cause and effect doesn't mean good things happen to good people, that's the just world fallacy.

I'm Chaotic Evil, I mean Good, whatever. 10 bucks I vouch for you, I've known you for years, you've always been a nice quiet neighbor, don't care. Alibis and court cases cost extra.

I wish. I'm half Native and half White and I look like someone made a 180 pound butter sculpture of Charles Manson and left it out too long.

Karma is just the sum of your actions. It's not a judgement of right or wrong. People confuse karma with the just world hypothesis. Right now every action in my life has led to this point in time where I'm posting on Kotaku and drinking Coors in the vintage Banquet Beer can style. That's my karma. That's it, karma.

Jason Statham is the greatest actor of our generation, so at some point we're arguing over which rose smells the best, or whether Hamm's is better than Miller High Life. Crank is a masterpiece of film, a statement on fleeting life and mortality, but the opening of Transporter 2, when he teaches a young girl the…

Tokyo Drift is the Star Wars Holiday Special of the Fast & Furious franchise. Furthermore, anyone with any knowledge of the cinema and it's history knows that Transporter 2 is the greatest movie ever made.

I kind of like this exotic thing. Instead of spending my nights with angry cabbies as they turn in their paperwork and cash, I could be spending my nights conversing with exotic men and women about their financial problems.

If you're going to go all grammar nazi on someone, spell check that shit. Palimpest?

Ahhh, the irony of misspelling typo.

Because I've known strippers, porn actresses, and wrestlers and they're not all fragile damaged people. Because I'm a solipsist and you're all just figments of my imagination.

Solipsistic, but I don't think that word means what you think it does. No, people don't need to all be on the same page, but when you just make shit up and present it as fact I don't need to take it seriously.

A hoe move? So he's digging up ground to stop weeds or prepare it for planting? Or did you mean ho, slang for whore, so the author's trolling is the same as a trick ass bitch gaming her pimp?

But red hair in classic Greek art meant you were a Thracian slave.

You present you're ill-informed opinion on the lives of porn stars and pro-wrestlers as if they were facts that we must accept, then accuse people who do not accept your unsupported conclusions as believers of a vague ideology. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that maybe you're an idiot.

How do you know this?

I'm also an old, getting my thing on before all this super-landscaped designer vagina fad became popular. I've never seen a vagina I didn't like. In fact I love vaginas. When a woman shows me her ladybits it's like hearing fans at Anfield drunkenly try to sing I'll Never Walk Alone, or watching Enter the Dragon. I'm…