Or...

We’re all going to ride the Trump train.

Where do I sign up to be pushed onto the Subway tracks?

Ah the Donald Trump defense.
“You murdered a woman by pushing her in front of a train”

Thank you for the less grim news.

And he would likely drop in the draft, which would hurt is earning potential by hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars.

Yeah, but I’ve heard the University of Kentucky isn’t all that fun to play at.

By the way this reads, the entire Chiefs coaching staff is concussed. Making the entire team sit out this weekend sounds like a viable option.

The “Hillary Clinton” = “Lady MacBeth” line of thinking has always been strong in the public consciousness. When a man does something wrong, it’s because a woman is to blame. Like that time Eve made Adam eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge.

This is legitimately the first time I’ve been afraid during this entire thunderfuck of an election season. I’ve been so confident in the American people and the electoral process that I truly was not afraid of Trump possibly winning. Now Anthony Weiner’s dick and an asshole with a vendetta might be the reason a cheeto…

The school system is so fucking bureaucratic now that everything has to be investigated and approved before anything can be done. Goddamnit. We just failed an 11-year old. She couldn’t hang a fucking poster??

Goddammit, lock that shit up in a gun safe and the bullets some place else.

“But, but, but...it’s not the gun’s fault. If a person wants to kill themselves they’ll find a way to do it.”

Also, fuck you people who espouse that logic.

Fuck you people who keep your guns ”hidden.”

Goddammit, lock that shit up in a gun safe and the bullets some place else.

Basketball and hockey coaches wear suits and generally look snazzy. Baseball has weirdo arcane rules and football refuses to let a dollar slip by unsqueezed, and therefore requires coaches to wear officially licensed team branded merchandise so it can slip in another marketing opportunity.

Fuck Perez. We all know Lindsay Lohan has issues. His delight in those issues is gross.

*Extended eye roll at Schumer.* Sunglasses, inside, at a gym class, where it’s pitch black. Doesn’t call attention to yourself at all.

To keep their pants from falling down.

Yes! Yes! That explains why they cast a Kathy Griffin stunt double for the role of bowel (which, horrifyingly, is a speaking role).

I have IBS and my doctor told me that I can’t afford this drug.