Fortunately, this will still allow for the post-birth abortions of most congressional reps, who in fact have no hearts and therefore, no heartbeats.

It’s a “small county fair” level of bad.

Try reading twats like those aloud in an overly-huffy voice. That’s how I get past seeing red. Add in some wild hand gestures for flavor.

“Paying.”

Same- I did a dramatic reading of the tweets realtime to my sister and our pets.

Not surprising at all. I guess I was caught off guard by the notion that the march was even on his radar- dude seems like the type who wouldn’t notice/care what the whiny wimmins are up to.

Legit tho, fuck Jonathan Chait. This was the weirdest TwitRant I’ve seen an adult make in a while. I hope he chokes on his self-importance.

You are living the dream, friend.

I bought a bunch of higher-end makeup and have added a bunch of nice face cleansers and moisturizers.

I threw out all my drugstore make-up, forced myself to buy stuff that’s less terrible for my skin, and I got a bunch of First Aid Beauty products that have made my face skin not dry and reptilian.

Thus far, I have rearranged my living room, changed my entire beauty routine, and cut TV news entirely out of my life. It feels good.

It is truly miracle stuff. Their B’Leave-In stuff makes my hair completely different and not the wild creature it usually is.

I have managed to wash three black pens in the last month. Each time was with all black clothes, so no harm done. Now here’s the question- too many pens, or too much black in my wardrobe?

Captain Planet is a leader that can guide us all through these difficult times.

A savvy man borrows the good ideas of his enemies, I guess.

That conference is what happens when you take three Valium and chase it with an entire kilo of cocaine.

I feel like I just took all the drugs. I had low expectations, but that presser was an acid trip.

Supposedly, a bunch of the clapping folks are Trump aides that they told to clap?

Him using his last speech as president to try and help us feel less alone right now proves he is the best president we have had or will have for some time.

You know, I have been calling this man “Rinsed Penis,” but the recent revelations about his new boss have me rethinking that nickname.