I wouldn’t know much about why it’s good to be a girl, but I can list a lot of reasons why it sucks to be a woman.

My uterus has developed the delusional cockiness of a third-world dictator and is holding my patience hostage, and at this point, I’m all for setting up a reverse Salem Witch Trial and burning fuckers like this at the stake. Fuck this asshole, and fuck all the other assholes that think it’s cute to play potty police.

I’m pretty sure it’s because I’ve been moving tiny lines around a screen all day and that’s reduced my brain to pudding, but I didn’t understand any of that. What perfumes do you like, for reference?

Did I, though?

Look, modifying earworms to be relevant to the article at hand is an imperfect business. It was the first pocket monster that came to mind.

If you tried to use a boat where you would normally use a bicycle, you would not go faster.

Yes but IT RHYMES.

It’s also stuck in my head. It’s infectious!

And I would walk five hundred miles,

This is really a cute story.

Would you say you’re honestly surprised?

Yes but then we’d have a problem, because criticizing the goddess Eva Green is a grave sin indeed.

Men are just so sensitive. They really need to think using logic, not emotion.

That show was the first time I’ve binged a show and truly wanted that time I spent back, and that’s saying something.

Next they’ll tell us that film depictions of Abraham Lincoln, known vampire hunter, were also inaccurate.

(But do they all float?)

This is like a bizarre inverse of the Pierce Brosnan-SJP exchange in Mars Attacks.

The only good clown is a dead clown.

The last two seasons ended up being so boring and unoriginal, but I really enjoyed this episode. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t wander too far from being interesting like the others did.

It sounds like a street gang comprised of halflings and elves. Doesn’t inspire much terror.