On my 21st birthday I got so drunk I started throwing olives and limes at a bartender, was dragged out of the bar by my boyfriend and woke up with a tree branch in my hair.

Why was a thirteen-year-old girl left alone with Roman Polanski?

Because an adult took her there.

Where is Tweet Beat? Why is it and DB so irregular lately? My life is pretty much scheduled around these things and I feel all off-balance.

Exactly. A friend actually said to me the other day, “Eh, we survived eight years of George W, so...” Yes, but despite all his numerous faults I never feared the destruction of mankind because of a Twitter slight from him either.

Well, she’s a white entitled idiot who won’t be affected if Trump wins so, OF COURSE SHE DOES.

Godammit stop it with this “It won’t matter to his base.” They don’t fucking matter.

Underneath the Floorboards was terrifying! (But my favorite was Hamburger, especially in the original comments where someone said “WTF Hamburger?”)

Decisions. Most of me wants to read this right now. The other part of me wants to wait until it’s dark and I’m drinking.

That was an excellent selection. Although I wish it was one entry longer because the one about the guy on the Craigslist date with the guy who worked real estate and was making noises in the basement was terrifying. I thought about that story for DAYS after I read it. Scary as hell.

For whatever reason, I was the most terrified by the mental image of a would-be attacker crawling on the floor. Just fucking terrifying.

Does he still have bad opinions on rape jokes or nah?

Considerably less than what happens if a doctor is standing over an open abdomen with a knife in his hand and he has a heart attack or a seizure.

Who does that man hand belong to, Khloe?

omg I wonder what ice cream Jonathan Cheban I got, I bet it was so good. He probably looked at the menu and just knew from reading the words that his ice cream would taste so super good. I hope, for everyone’s sake, that Kim did not get the rock shrimp.

Um, I think you mean the “Woman Book-her Prize.”

no thanks, i’m good.

Yes, let’s make fun of the silly negro with the negro name.

As a Diane Kruger follower and truther, she has been posting high school emotional memes for a looooonnnng time. Also, I’m pretty sure her and J. Jackson split or were in limbo for well over a year or two now. He went from very frequent to non existent on her insta a long time before they split. And that’s when the…

Yeah, my friends loved it and I was all “?”.