Harper—who by many perfectly sensible measures has had a perfectly fine season but nonetheless needed exactly this kind of moment to go his way—

Stop playing golf with this gentleman.

now truly believe in my heart of hearts that the Browns will win a Super Bowl in 2019. I had a bizarre epiphany of sorts. I knew the epiphany was wrong yet could not help myself from re-investing mind, body, and soul back into the Brownies. I know this is patently absurd. Yet I honestly believe it to be true in an…

But as I turned around to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.

Is that blond in the gif supposed to be spotting for her? I don’t know whether to laugh at her lack of effort, or salute her as a member of the union of people performing pointless jobs.

My mistake.

<sponsor> Man of the Year and Comeback Player of the Year. I agree, that’s pretty dismal.

Re: taking credit for historical championships, I would like to move that we make an exception for Ottawa Senators Stanley Cup Championships. Franchise was defunct for like a century.

Asking for a friend?

like when you try to give your cousin grief over video games to make him feel normal while he slowly dies of leukemia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Martinez

Also forgot to mention that Syndergaard plays the game the Right Way.

That’s “The” Hitless Wonderkid. Have some respect.

I get this warning when I try to see stuff that’s in the grays:

I would have gone for “charges headlong”

Most people believe that MLS teams are still losing money to this day ... yet there is no shortage of willing investors.

The second thing is what we call ADVANCED ANALYTICS and we support that kind of thing around here.

This summit is a good addition to the President’s list of achomlishments.

Secret white supremacy signal.

also soon to be the 3rd most populous