Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

I've always wanted to be the King of Olive Garden. Is there a succession plan? Do I need to murder the previous King? Or just wait for him to die of the inevitable heart attack?

My husband uses toilet roll to blow his nose. If he has allergies or a cold going on, he will take a roll out of the bathroom to keep in the living room/office/kitchen where he is. Then he will leave it there.

Sorry to disappoint you, but it's unlikely. What I have is a relatively minor but chronic inconvenience, more a pain in the ass than anything.

What's the over/under on how long before poly and open relationship type people take their evangelizing door-to-door like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Okay, so the bacon really doesn't smell good to me, but I definitely applaud all the people involved here for their honesty. I'm very glad you found your own happiness!

God I needed this. THIS IS WHAT I'VE DEALT WITH ALL DAY.

Why is every asshole's first friendly tip that we should all go to college?

I turned down an offer for a Starbucks run at 10:50 BECAUSE IT'S ALMOST KITCHENETTE TIME YOU IDIOT

Man having to wait till 11 is agonizing. How else am I going to get my morning cup of laughs, snark, no tipping-Illuminati, the customer is always right, I'M ALLERGIC TO RED, monogrammed thermos posts?

In Asia's Next Top Model cycle 2, Japan was represented by Marie Nakagawa who also does not look 'traditionally Japanese'.

LOL, so funny, I'm wearing this right now.

You're not alone, I wear a full-face everyday. Sometimes when I'm schlubbing at home too, mostly because I just want to experiment or do a post for my beauty blog. I'm actually a little jealous of women who can still look like they're wearing some makeup when they're not. For me, I need to wear at least some…

i also religiously wear a full face and i thought it was weird to encounter an article full of women who never wear it

Wow. I was completely mesmerized by this article. I cannot begin to even imagine what she has and is going through. She sounds like an intelligent woman who is working everyday to better understand her situation and improve her mental health. What an incredibly strong woman.

because soon she will have Amber Rose hairstyle

I think they'll make it.

Between these recaps and my friends live-tweeting The Walking Dead, it's like I don't even need a TV anymore.

Wait a minute! So, when my mother told me my hamster, "went to sleep"...

"...But does a sleep-inducing device exist in the real 2015? It does not..."