Eastern philosophers made peace with metaphysical vagueness long before anybody in the West learned to wipe their ass.

How many grains of sand are needed to make a heap? There is no heap. All duality is a delusion.

I’m still pissed that Parmenides marked Zeno down at the half-yard line in 435 BC. Replay would have fixed that.

What idiot called it A Philosopher’s Definitive (And Slightly Maddening) Case Against Replay Review and not A Chrysippus Story?

Where have you parked your Tesla?

Bless your little heart. First day on the internet can be an overwhelming experience, I’m sure.

You must be new here. Do you need a cup of coffee before we start the orientation? 

pelotón o plomo 

Could have been worse- usually when a Colombian ends up 80 kilos short, his whole family gets murdered.

“Demons” is an anagram for “on meds” which is an anagram for “Jim Irsay spilled his pill bottle into Vinatieri’s Gatorade”. Or at least that’s what the voices in my head are telling me.

I honestly didn’t think you could keep up all those puns furlong. 

I wonder how they could Justfy these actions. I would hope they get more than a Citation from the Secretariat responsible. This type of Assault on horse racing ethics cannot be Affirmed.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

I was really hoping the headline meant he got a can with a single, giant bean in it. Like, filling up the whole can.

It’s a posted rule. The sign in the accompanying article even says straight up that the manager must enforce the rule.

Melania Trump is an awful person.

This is a lot of words dedicated to a fundamentally broken statistical analysis of a non-random survey of an insignificant sample size and some anecdotal stories.

So this is an at-will gig where you pick your own hours, have no barrier to entry besides owning a car, have no interview process, and can quit whenever you want with no repercussions and you make $30/hour. What exactly are people complaining about?

White people like Desmond Howard because he makes Stuart Scott look like Malcolm X.

“Pshhhh Mike just had some cafecito this morning. Don’t let all the haters talk smack about us bro. We’re not playing UF, we’re playing F. BECAUSE THEY DONT DEESERVE THE U”

Except this complaint is valid. European team names have rationales. When MLS blindly copies their names with “Real” and “FC” and now “Inter” it makes the owners look really clueless, a la How do you do fellow futbol fans?!