I did two tours at Starfucks. Second tour was 24 months. That job wasn’t fun high either. Mostly because of the customers. Starfucks customer base consists of 75% non coffee drinkers who don't drink coffee (wtf were they doing before there was a Starfucks in every town, drinking Folgers?) and 25% fucktards who like to…

Aside from the fact that being shitty to people who handle ur food before they give it to you is just like, fuckin dumb, it’s terrible to be so shitty to strangers who are working. Why be all drunk and shitty to people who are trying to do you a service? I don't like humans most of the time, this kinda stuff really…

You are a got damn monster! Washcloths are for washing, dishrags are for dishing? Serious though, how is that even something to get reprimanded for? Fuck DQ!!

I am not a fan of socks. I buy the cheapest ones I can get at Target and wear them until they fall apart. If I could, I'd rox no sox. But alas, my hobbit feet can work up quite a stink.

Like some Russian nesting doll type shit, no but that totally needs to get made. Oh man!!

That’s like, how a cartoon character would quit his job. Just jump out the window and into the car and take off. That is fuckin brilliant!!

Dang, just one? I'd go out way harder. I need to deep fry a Jalapeno Double!!

I couldn't agree more!! You are awesome! :)

Holy stuff, I am sorry. And that drinking game sounds epic as stuff, but you're right. I think for sure that game is going to kill someone. Maybe switch to shots of beer. I could easily see this game going into double digit shots and that's hardcore as fuck.

Black Jesus walks everywhere. Unless someone offers him a ride.

Yea, I mean I have to believe that the customer base for both brothels and McDonalds are very similar. I need a third cup of coffee before I can connect a good joke here.

I almost got in a fight with a middle aged man in a drive thru at McDonalds at like 2am. Dude was in front of us in his Mercedes, drunk as fuck, calling the girl who took his order a “cunt” repeatedly because he insisted she wasn’t listening to him. I got out of the car and told him to pull ahead or I’d kick his teeth…

I did that once, cut my finger deep on the cheese slicer. But I was high enough to be calm, so I super glued it shut and then finished the night playing Century Club in the walk-in fridge. Also, Smiling is overrated as fuck!! At best, I crack the Han Solo half smirk, nothing more.

Oh I fuckin love it. I love dancing. I mean it would be super embarrassed if someone saw me do it, but I feel like I'm Usher or some amazing dancer when I'm doing it. If someone saw me dancing, they would tell me how awful I am and would burst the bubble and ruin the illusion. So I dance alone...

Not my Rob Ford crack pipe though, that stays at home!

I cant forgive him for the socks though...

“It’s important to keep every workplace drug-free. You don’t want people on drugs running the fryer at McDonalds.”

This is me. I can't dance. I try, I practice while washing dishes. Trying to work my way up to Dirty Dancing. I copy dance moves I see on tv and the youtubes. I just can't do it, I look like I am having seizures. In my head, I'm tearing it up, but I know in reality I dance like absolute dog shit, so I don't judge…

I don't know that people in politics should be tweeting. I mean it helps sort out the idiots who tweet dumb stuff, but a lot of these folks just seem to shoot themselves in the foot. If I were in politics I don't think I'd tweet, I'd tweet some dumb shit and ruin my career for sure!

Just make movies, man. Don’t complain about how rough you’ve been critiqued, no one catches more flak for their shitty films than Uwe Boll. If you think it’s tough being a white writer/director, imagine what it would be like being a poc. I don’t think you’d have gotten the opportunities you've had to make 8 films so…