PINKO!

Do you live in Communist China?

Probably like Velveeta or something.

You have to pay the troll toll if you want to get the boy's soul.

Then I don't understand the complaint. At most of the B&N stores I've been to, you have to go to the third floor, minimum, before you even find the books.

But you're Great! It's right there in your name!

Cheesy potato.

Nice spin on your classic "I hate this shit."

So it wasn't a Barnes & Noble, then.

What is a butt if not the soul hole?

Italian Wedding for the Essence of Being

I'm going to start my own company called "Beef Consomme for the Heart Entertainment."

There's a whole company called "Chicken Soup for the Soul Entertainment"?

I don't watch a lot of morning news anyway, but the CBS one is the one I watch when/if I do, if for nothing else to see the sexual tension between Charlie and Gayle King (and the other woman whose name I don't remember).

I remember how to tell them apart this way: I feel bad for Bills fans, and I despise Patriots fans.

I try to avoid fans. If I don't sweat, how do I know I was working out?

All technology is first invented for sex. If it happens to have additional uses as well, great.

Last week I was at the gym as the Donny, Jr. email story was taking over the 24 hour news cycle, and FOX was apparently talking about some baby in England.

Give Jim Kelly a news show, and send Megyn to the press box.

When you're famous, people let you pee on them. And you also hire people to pee on you. Being famous comes with a lot of pee.