No one gets "inducted" into Florida. You get sentenced.

I can only assume Trump will give an equally magnanimous speech at the ceremony for Ted Nugent's induction into the Dickhead Hall of Fame.

That Norm MacDonald bit single-handedly justifies the existence of roasts.

I thought "kind of a douche" was implied by the words "business school" and "views himself as highly fashionable."

So there's an upside here?

Definitely the best podcast if you're looking for tips for cooking a boy.

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Hey, look at that high-waisted man! He got feminine hips!

*W. Craig Jelinek punches hole through hat*

What do you mean? Did they play the Trump inauguration?

They were countering Amazon's purchase of Adam ClayTwoThousandPounds.

Who's the Ross Perot?

The real problem here is that you can get the same results at a fraction of the price by just buying a roll of duct tape.

Well, every time I buy my wife tampons, the cashier calls me a cuck. I've told myself time and again that I'm not going to shop at the Walt-rightgreens anymore, but they're so damn convenient.

This would appeal to me, as I live in constant fear of the Communists stealing my essence.

Also, the Whole Foods employee-training video.

The female anatomy is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.

Let your imagination run wild.

This week it's "fopdoodle."

Twist: it's not your chest hair.

That's why I said there are varying degrees of suck. Apple has the distinction of being the biggest company, perhaps unsurprisingly they also suck the most.