Since I don’t have a soul, I’m safe! And the guy who died? He’s out!

Out of respect, all local Taco Bells have ordered their flags to be flown at half más

His corpse has a tryout with the Orioles pitching staff on Tuesday.

Wow. Usually it is their major league affiliate doing all the choking.

These phony articles about people hawking expensive coffee are a travesty. Especially when you realize you can just drink Maxwell House. Maxwell House, when you don’t give a fuck what the vessel for your caffeine addiction tastes like, Maxwell House. Five gallon drums now available at Costco.

Butter coffee is bullshit.

“the bottom line is that’s that girl’s new car, and she can’t get to school now.”

He’s acknowledging that it was literally awesome because the car was crushed like a beer can—while lamenting that that was his initial reaction and he totally has empathy because the “bottom line” is how it will affect her life. 

Lol

Nothing you just said is correct. You can have empathy for the humans involved AND enjoy the absurd destruction. And it doesn't matter in what order you do it.

Everyone was a bit slow and awkward. It will take a few weeks to get Eagles fans into mid-season asshole form.

I love the yellow labs, they all look like they want to play catch and have someone rub their belly.

I tried to find the full video by searching “philly fan fight” on youtube, but it broke the site.

It’s Philly.  If these people stopped to help every drunk with a nosebleed they’ll never make it home.  

This is why Will Smith’s mama made him leave town.

“Behind every great man in a fight, is his girlfriend squawking like a crow with laryngitis.”

The Gang Goes to a Football Game

On the bright side, this is the only time a guy from Philly can hope to get doubled teamed by a couple of 11's.

Fitting that the Philly enforcer in orange and black ended his fight by yanking his opponent’s jersey over his head.