“God protected my child because I was too lazy to parent”

Thank god you’re not going to steal something. Do you always let the world know when you won’t do something you’re not supposed to?

Look, I get why they used to do it, but now that literally everything is digital, how can they not track exactly who watches what at all times? How is Nielsen still relevant? Or is there something I’m missing?

When JLD on Veep said “haha I sure love those domestic violence jokes” I almost died.

So when do the Billy Donovan mea culpas start? Or is this another instance of coach gets all the blame but none of the credit?

Sure, if they decide to pay people the same wages. Footballers across the world would come here in droves for the chance to live an American lifestyle and remain relatively anonymous in the grand scheme of things. The only problem is they make 1/10th of what they make elsewhere.

I don’t understand why they wouldn’t at least throw Giovinco an invite. Hell, they called in Fabio Borini who was a step above dreadful for Sunderland all season.

Anyone arguing that this wasn’t wildly intentional is out of their fucking minds, no matter how many times he’s leg kicked before.

Thank God you’re bringing Facebook arguments outside of Facebook.

This is old man yelling at clouds (though I am only 32) but doesn’t anyone just enjoy things in the moment anymore? The insta recording of everything possible is crazy to me.

Staring into this take is like staring into the Sun.

We simply MUST do something about that abortion of a dress.

His Roast of James Franco routine was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

There is literally no instance in which the choice would be “get rid of cat or declaw it”. Trim your fucking cats nails.

If you declaw a cat you should kill yourself.

I kind of assumed I’d hate each and every one of you if I saw you walking down the street and boy was I right.

Maybe the most important story of 2016. Kudos.

Because one has leverage and the other doesn’t.

Sorry, your conjecture is that Dr. Luke’s lawyers intent is to silence all sexual assault victims forever and not just win this particular case? You very well may be right, that just seems like a massive extrapolation.

Herpes?