I went to Cincinnati last month for training. I tried Blue Ass Cincinnati Chili. The amount of time between food consumption and expulsion was faster than Taco Bell.

Poor fool. No matter how much pumpkin he puts in, when the clock strikes midnight, it's just going to turn back into a bowl of hot diarrhea.

Nothing beats her #PotTot hashtag.

If we change it to 2.5 minute video, does "NFL Security Team" also count?

They forgot "We have a black president so stop bitching"

Automatic assumption that black people don't have jobs. Check

You forgot to add "Deadspin reader who is a Cardinal fan, gets to whine in comments about 'being ragged on' again."

And you get to feel superior and write a comment about Deadspin dissing the Cardinals and their fans. So you win, too!

Saying "I am Darren Wilson" is essentially saying "I am a piece of shit cop who shot and murdered an unarmed black kid." Why are people saying this with pride? I don't understand.

At about 10:25 a small blonde lady starts yelling at the protesters: "We're the ones who gave all y'all the freedoms that you have!"

Those Cardinals fans love dominant pitching, but will gladly settle for three Ks.

Sorry, don't have time to watch a 25 minute video.

As they say, Cardinals fans are the classists in baseball.

Best Klans In Baseball

i like bacon too but i thought it was weird when it became an Internet Thing along the lines of the Chuck Norris meme shit. i mean, bacon is great and all (a bacon, egg, and cheese burger is pure unalloyed magic when drinking beer, or drunk) but the Internet started taking it to i-want-to-have-sex-with-it levels and…

I like bacon just fine, and I really wish everyone would shut the fuck up about it. I don't need to hear about and see pictures of bacon everywhere, constantly. If you carry on about the wonders of bacon, I just assume you are a super boring person in all other aspects of life.

Some day, 30 years from now, we'll all be trying to explain to our kids why we were so obsessed with bacon and beards and craft cocktails and dubstep, while our kids give us the same face we gave our parents trying to explain bell bottom jeans.

Thanks for commenting, Holden Caufield.

Am I wrong for feeling so good when bad things happen to Nick Saban?

That's from the U.S. Census Bureau, which seems like it would be kind of authoritative, but ok.