What I get from that is you're now boning Colbert. GOOD FOR YOU!

I would (assuming she needed my permission, which she does not, a wedding ring is not a symbol of ownership) give my wife a hunting pass for Stephen Colbert, except for twin facts that a) His wife Evelyn is such a nice lady and b) My wife is unlikely to ever be in a social situation with Stephen Colbert.

Yeah, sometimes I just get the urge to laugh over salad, read some Phyllis Schafly and drink milk. I'm losing my edge. The neighbor didn't even clutch her pearls at my outfit today. :( The struggle continues...

Human Trafficking: non-consensual tourism

Indeed. Our first date went REALLY well and we extended it past dinner and then extended it again going back to my apartment.

Just keep licking your phone, you'll get the hang of it eventually.

Happy to help. And, y'know, sorry about your untimely demise.

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes, child?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "WHAT, for fuck's sake?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh God oh God oh God!"

God: "What, what, what??? I... oh, Me damn it, this again? You know, it would be nice to hear from you once in a while when you're NOT all sweaty…

When Matt Damon says stuff like that, it arouses me.

i'm just now paying attention to your name,lol. anyways,i'd actually seen bits and pieces of the princess bride as a kid (mid nineties) but i'd never watched the whole movie. i'll be sure to add it to my netflix queue.

Bahahhaaha you win the internets

SAY NO MORE

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How was this not included?

And it is our right as human beings to make fun of you for being not only stupid, but willfully so.

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."