Idea: makeup line inspired by poison dart frogs. I’d go for that.

YES. I currently have a silvery purple pixie cut and have taken to wearing purple lipstick. My goal is to look like a dangerous space alien/super hero.

I like the idea of make up as artistic expression or war paint rather than to look pleasing to men.

Oh, god, Trump would waste so much time and so many resources trying to track down Obama’s birthplace. He wouldn’t have time to fuck up anything else.

“...the book has already been optioned by Leonardo DiCaprio.”

No. The most underappreciated Obama is Sunny. It’s all about Barack and his dad-jeans, or Michelle and her scandalous sleeveless dresses. It’s about Sasha and Malia crossing their arms and not smiling (awful) at official functions. It’s about Bo, barreling into reporters and dignitaries. But nary a word about Sunny.

I’m glad she told us it was mica, because “peel-and-stick linoleum” would have been my first guess. Seriously, that is the flooring tile of choice for every shitty apartment I’ve ever been in.

Yup. Keep up the snark, Jezebel, and we’ll be electing that table again and again.

They’re not required to stay within a budget ($100,000 I think? includes living quarters) if they use their own money.

Unappreciated by whom, Joanna? By you and the rest of the media? Because unlike you elitists, honest, hardworking Americans have been appreciating the hell out of that table for years.

I’m trying to drum up a plan were millions of us travel to the White House on January 20th, and we all throw ourselves around Obama’s legs and cry and beg him not to leave. I think this would work, and might be constitutionally sound.

“Georgie, this man is in charge of the treasonous, violent, hilbilly tax cheats Daddy was telling you about.”

She’d make millions if she started selling The Bible: As Annotated by Reagan.

Personal beliefs aside, that is an impressively thoughtful and work-intensive gift.

I feel this so hard. I remember being timid the first time I tried red lipstick and now all I want is to sneer in shades of blue and purple and green.

YES. I do this too. Navy blue lips with glitter. Crazy eyes. Things that are offputting to men, but please me. I want to look dangerous. I don’t want to look in a way that pleases men, but pleases me.

I’m here at Jezebel for this poignant ugliness, so that I may spit with all of you, so that we may together stain the world.

This was spectacular. I want to print it out and paper the walls with it.