That’s ‘cause even when she killed her she already looked like she was in her 50s.

I didn’t realize until recently that her killer was in her 30s at the time Selena died. The movie cast an actress who was 20 years older. I know that was random.

You don’t think the whole trial might have been very stressful for the jury too? And maybe they are just happy to be able to let off a little steam? I was on a jury for an attempted murder case, and the trial plus deliberations took just over 2 weeks. There is a good amount of bonding between the jurors in these…

You appear to have a problem. Maybe try dialing the righteous indignation down to 11 and click here

The fact that he did it while mountain biking and slamming a Mountain Dew, though, THAT was extreme!

That’s crazy, ‘cause I’m a stoned high school boy with a ringtone that looks like a vagina.

Abraham’s only twenty-three so even if it’s sometimes too late to follow your dreams, it’s definitely not for her.

LOLOLOL NONONONONONO

It’s depressing because Spicoli is my actual doppelganger.

Yeah, Farrah, I'm glad you're settings your sights higher than porn but I don't think you understand how becoming a doctor works.

I hired two guys off craigslist who I'm 99% sure were on meth during the move. It was the fastest move of my life and nothing was broken.

actually - doesn't the best man 'throw' the bachelor party for you? You throw the wedding and get to decide what happens at that party.

Hi. Petite, heavy-chested woman here. And no. Just no, buddy.

Ahem. I have not killed a plant in almost a year

WHOA WHOA WHOA YOU HAVE NIPPLES!??!! I’M OUT!

The one petite chick with big tits that I know (she’s about 5 feet tall and she’s thin and a C/D cup) wouldn’t knowingly be in the same room with him if you paid her for it.

First order of business

“Physically, it’s really not that important...but I do have a type.” OF COURSE YOU DO.

Real question: why is this so often true?

“I’m not attracted to women my age” — douche radar ping