My daughter heard a well-intentioned-but-still-offensive “you’re gonna have to lock that one up soon” and seriously thought that her great uncle was saying she looked like a troublemaker, like the sort if kid who spray paints walls (in her words). :-(

I’m roughly the same weight and 5’5”, also wear a size six most of the time. Bodies are weird, man.

“We threw away your clothes, so you have to go home in this!”

Ugh. Thank you. I work in retail (and have a quota) and this back to school season has been both visually and financially painful for me. Who the fuck is coming up with these prints?!? It’s making chevron look good, I tell you what.

I have lost about 40lbs. One thing that helped was replacing carb-y foods with vegetables. So, instead of pasta with marinara and chicken, I’d have cauliflower with marinara and chicken. Instead of a sandwich with turkey, I’d have turkey rolled in a romain leaf or a salad topped with turkey. Instead of peanut butter…

No, but Alamo Heights isn’t what it used to be either. Stone Oak is Alamo Heights now.

Yeah, I moved from El Paso to Real Texas (San Antonio and small towns surrounding) and was utterly stunned. I grew up thinking that Football is King was a Texas myth that non-Texans just held to, like the idea that we all wear cowboy hats and ride horses to school.

Huh? You didn’t offend me by telling the story on the internet. I was just expressing surprise that casual coworkers talk about such personal stuff, and imagining how I’d react. Hope I didn't offend you either I guess?

Eeerm...it seems wildly inappropriate to talk about masturbation with a coworker who you define asprimarily a coworker...which you seem to be doing. I mean, if you happen to work with your best friend of five years, that’s one thing but just telling some girl/guy at work “oh hai you’re gonna be masturbating later,…

Privilege.

Or the wife is temporarily or permanently unable to provide that connection due to distance or illness, but still wants her husband to have it, maybe?

Are you sure she wasn't being passive-aggressive right back at you?

Awww. He looks gggrrrrrrreeeeaaat!

I’m not entirely sure that I haven’t already.

My kids’ school district argues this shit out like every few years it seems. Happily, we’ve stuck with starting the elementary schools earliest on the grounds that elementary school kids are least likely to be waiting for a bus or walking to school at dawn without an adult. Our “cluster” has elementary school starting…

Why is “would bang, while slamming JaMocha shake” not an option?

No, no. Burning at the stake is for later. You need to see if she floats first. If she drowns —-> dead, but truthful, write sincere apology and include coupons for free desserts. If she floats ——> witch, commence burning, gather marshmallows.

Did you get better?

I’m not positive but I think I read about a situation where the bio mom brought the baby in and the first responders’ reactions made her feel so bad (to be fair it is not at all hard to make someone feel terrible in that swarm of post-partum hormones and the stress of having a kid you can’t or don’t want to parent)…

What info do you have that leads you to be 99% sure that he pays for part of his ex- wife’s travel expenses? That would be pretty unusual; most parents just have the kids travel and split the costs of that.