My husband to our 5 year old, “just keep that under your hat.”

My sister used to wake me up on Saturday going “hurry you’re late!” and I’d scramble to get dressed and then she’s be all “LAWL, it’s the weekend, dope”.

I was like, how long was this party?!

I used to nanny a toddler named Matthew. Who referred to himself as Matthme. Couldn’t argue with it!

my dad tricked me into eating the hot peppers you put on pizza. i was old enough to know better.

“All right, gentlemen. First step is each of you is going to fully immerse himself in the drum of lubricant.”

As someone who was tricked TWICE by her older brother into eating ice cream that was, in fact, Crisco shortening, I endorse this message

I’m thinking it’s totally fake or mostly oral if real.

That’s one reason this seems like a fake letter.

Good lord, thank you. Even if this was all consensual and cool by all parties- now that she’s pregnant and reality set it? Time to blame her. Because you know, our bodies shut it down if we don’t want it.

She might not have failed to use a condom, birth control fails. Hopefully she used one.

Gotta love how all the judgment is thrown that the woman, and not at any of the 25 dudes who had sex with her, presumably quite well aware of what was going on.

Pornsex is awesome! :D

Whenever there is a post that talks about smart children, commenters immediately come out to lament about the burdens of being gifted, and the weight of the expectations loaded upon these special and smartest snowflakes. Don’t live my struggle, they stoicly request. I’m no hero, they whisper to the apathetic masses.…

Right? Diaper changes, NBD. Sleep deprivation for six months or more? Torture.

That's just your uterus talking.

Yeah. A smart baby would hear the capital C!

Not the smartest but definitely the most edible.

I dunno - a friend of mine was recently showing off her kid’s smarts and asked her to show me the cups.

I bet Ariana Grande knows China is a country...maybe she’s the world’s smartest baby.