Some men are born great, some thrust great tacos inside of them. Repeatedly. For twenty years.

Your name is just so perfect

Upper class white men treating women like objects of fancy? Who knew?

You said stroke.

...the topic of this Golf Digest effort—“The Hottest Patrons at Augusta”—is just awful.

Seamless and GrubHub are the same company. They merged operations in 2013. Seamless retained the separate name because they had such strong name recognition in NYC.

I can't stand the women who do that! I worked at a place where my female coworkers would tear the other women apart behind their backs and then be all about the sisterhood to their faces. I never participated, I refused to snipe about other women, and sometimes they'd get annoyed with me and make comments about how…

Actually no— she’s not an unattractive woman, she’s pretty young and has good skin and a nice face and all. She’s not super pretty, or anything, but she dresses in serious frump-style. She literally looks like she put on someone’s old couch. Which is whatever, but if you’re going to get judgy about other people trying…

AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID BONER.

Hell, I had a couple of cough drops once and started a land war in Asia. I feel kinda bad about that.

One time I took Advil and became the Son of Sam.

Yes, ditching birth control can be great and all, but all these women are now back on condoms as their only method of prevention, which is neither infallible (nor fun).

I also like limp bacon. But I am accepting of all bacon beliefs.

There's a twitter post out there, that I liked when it was copied to tumblr. It said something like "If I had a nickel for every time someone older than me told me millennials are lazy/greedy/entitled I'd have enough money to buy a house in the market they ruined."

My wife and I both worked at this cheap kid's play place when we were friends in High School. It was supposedly 'educational', but that was really just so they could justify charging people $14 a head to play with blocks. It did have some cool stuff, like an older Fire Truck the kids could play on, but almost…

The popcorn story caused me to emit what can only be described as a strangled whimper because I was stupid enough to have a mouthful of water when I read it. That's amazing. She out-crazied the crazy person and it's my favorite thing. I dedicate this song to Callie and that whole story.

"It's not free if you give it to me" is roughly the same as "if I eat while standing up, the calories don't count!"

Apropos of nothing except pure nostalgia... I used to have a job where I had an executive assistant (it was a magical time when venture capital flowed like water and the economy had not yet tanked...). His name was Jason, and his family owned a local small cinema like the one in Callie's story. He would occasionally…

Air Force Brethren must be friends with Wig Lady, who thinks "I'm pretty sure my granddaughter worked at Hollister for the summer, back in the 90s" means that I should give her a mall employee discount. Please, continue to play Six Degrees of Barely Relevant so I can come up with a reason to give you sixty cents off…