I feel like cookie dough is objectively more delicious than cookies. I don’t even feel like this statement is an opinion. Like, cookies are weird and dumb and frequently gross, crumbly pieces of shit (and even at best, they’re just tolerable), while cookie dough is an extension of the joy of the universe.

Fine then. Watch my 49 minute youtube video called “Why feminists are ruining gaming” where I talk about that one girl who didn’t date me that one time. Also, I don’t play video games.

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

All these people need punched.

I saw that. It’s very sad, but pretty common for owners whose dogs have attacked people, especially kids, to do this to try to avoid or minimize legal trouble. It’s sad that they put down a young dog, and the attack was almost certainly at least in part the result of poor socialization, training and supervision, but…

I was reading about this earlier. This is the part that got me:

Weird, I was just thinking about this kitty. It actually makes me tear up a bit to watch her take down the dog. My sister has a cat whom I refer to as the nanny cat- sister also has six children, all of whom the nanny will follow down the street and guard. Once, nanny was standing in the middle of the sidewalk when a…

Now that is both shiny AND chrome. Witness them!

HULK MOMAGER SMASH ENTITLED SANTA CLAUS ASSHOLE!

You manage to have fond memories over something that your mother made sure you and your siblings never felt scared about. Your mother kicks serious ass.

Went to Gettysburg when I was a kid with my mother, my brother, and my grandmother. My grandmother, who can’t drive for shit, drove the whole way and refused to let my mother take the wheel. So we were treated to her constantly stopping on the goddamn interstate to check and see if she had missed her exit, while cars…

1997, my mom a private pilot, my brother and I flew to a family reunion, from Seattle to Helena MT. We get there to find the entire family reunion had be relocated to a remote cabin. With no way to get there we hung out at my uncles house, and by out I mean outside in the yard until the family reunion returned the…

I have a rule against traveling with my family because my parents broke up in the middle of the night in Venice the summer after my senior year of high school. My mom and I spent an hour wandering around Venice trying to find a hotel room before finding one, and then spent 2 days getting back home, only to discover my…

Does it count if you didn’t fully realize it was awful?

I was about five years old. My mother decides to load four of us kids in the van and take us from Washington State to California, to go to my mom’s cousin’s wedding. While there, we were also going to visit her siblings and go to Disneyland and all sorts of fun…

I got nothing. But one of my most treasured possessions is a postcard from when my two insane adult sisters got to go on vacation with my parents and I sat at home sulking. They filled up a postcard with chirpy passive aggressive “wish you were here having all the fun!” bs and gave it to my awesone dad to mail. It…

The parents rented a lovely little seaside cottage in Cornwall for the family. Loaded up the car, dropped the dog of at nan’s and drove for hours to get there. We finally arrive and the landlord turns up immediatly to tell us the police had been in contact with him (pre-cell phones we’d left where we were staying with…

6 kids and my parents in a 7 person Toyota van. Driving from Idaho down to California (my dad loooooved the road trips). No a/c in the van, and my siblings and I (ages 3-16) took turns for the “good seat,” which was sitting on the floor by the sliding door, as it had the most leg room.

When I was a junior in high school my family went to San Antonio, TX. We went to watch my brother graduate from Air Force basic training at Lacklund. So the first part was fun. We went to the River Walk, saw some movies, hit Six Flags Fiesta Texas. All pretty typical. Day of the graduation ceremony my brothers…