You know what’s really gonna paint a target on a young woman? Getting all her hair chopped off. It would not surprise me if all the school bullies went around playing that video at her and generally treating her like shit. 13 is a very vulnerable age, where hormones and neurochemical changes make the smallest little…

I actually read a study about it. Because of how rare they are, it was really hard for biologists to get an intact body or skeleton of one. They have a skull structure very similar to snakes, including venom glands, but there’s a sliding scale between “oral hygiene enzymes” and the different kinds of venom found in…

People give my mother flowers all the time, which can get kind of exasperating because she’s allergic to so many things. Lillies and verbena are the worst, they can’t be allowed inside the house at all.

I think cleaning up baby vomit during early puberty (two young cousins, whose mother expected 12-15 year old me to scrub the furniture every holiday) inoculated me against breeding. And nobody asks if my cats “are yours” with quite the same tone of voice.

I have a life-long track record of confusing medical professionals. And it turns out gentian violet works great for yeast, so long as you’re fine with vivid purple stains.

I’ve bought legit Monistat three or four times, and it has never eliminated the yeast, just kept it at bay for a week so I could drive home from college to see my gynecologist.

I’ve had to use a three-week course of anti-fungal pills and cream to tame one yeast monster (and then, to add insult to injury, the hand that applied the cream smells tauntingly like pretzels all day). Sometimes they just will not go away, and birth control can make it a lot worse.

I’ve never had otc yeast treatments work, ever. Always ended up needing a prescription. One time, the store-brand Monistat equivalent melted my pad to my underwear.

That face says to me, “if you ask me to be your bridesmaid they will never find your body.”

If it’s boiling-hot tea, you pour it into the milk to keep from scalding the milk. If I’m just microwaving a mug of water, milk goes in last. If the tea’s going in my travel cup, I steep it in a normal mug and add it to milk and sugar waiting in the cup.

I’ve had a complicated history with Aleve. I had to take it as a baby, when it was prescription-only Napperson. In high school, my rheumatologist had me taking four a day, and it started trashing my stomach. The “stomach protector” he prescribed only added intestinal problems to the party. Can only take one Aleve in a…

6th grade: I went from second-shortest in the class to second-tallest. My mother and I started naming my new dark armpit hairs after Harry Potter characters, until I lost count.
7th grade: Thanks to my science teacher showing us a documentary, I was known as “That Marfan Girl” until everybody else caught up to me in…

I remember when the trailers for this first showed up and it seemed exactly like John Dies at the End but without all the dick jokes and inter-dimensional parasites. Never actually watched it, because I obviously already had something similar but better.

Never saw The Core, but it sure did make this one girl in my Geology class a pain to sit near. She didn’t believe half of what our professor said, because it didn’t match up to the movie.

Interesting, but having the last entry cite the Daily Mail kind of killed it for me. Daily Mail is notorious for making stuff up, exaggerating it, or otherwise framing something reasonable as unreasonable (see entry #4 in the article I linked).

Most recently, I’ve read some Ernest Hogan, who despite the last name is Hispanic. Cortez on Jupiter is about a guerrilla graffiti artist who gets sent on a mission to try and communicate with recently-discovered aliens, and Smoking Mirror Blues centers around an Aztec trickster god who is accidentally uploaded to the…

I misread your first sentence as meaning you were already too high to buy more meth.

What about Assassination Classroom? It’s a heartwarming tale of middle school students tasked with killing their tentacle monster teacher before the end of the school year, to keep him from punching a whole straight through the Earth. Doesn’t keep the students from loving him, though.

I’m one of those nut-jobs who can eat a whole raw tomato, but they are too squishy and disgusting on burgers and usually watery flavorless varieties.

Not sure if it’s allergies, but fresh pineapple and cayenne pepper both fill my face with pain. Canned pineapple, dried pineapple, cooked pineapple are fine, but fresh or the juice make my mouth too sensitive to keep eating. Sweet peppers through mild salsa are delicious, but you’d be surprised how many dishes have…