Did you step in a DougieDookie too? Ugh.

On behalf of countries who are routinely blown apart every other week, many due to the Petyr Baelish School of American Foreign Policy, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that about other countries and 9/11. Tragedies happen everywhere and they suck everywhere; we just had to AmericanExceptionalism(tm) ours into “OUR…

I can’t thank you enough. GBA is just a crap garbage song, even among jingoistic non-anthems.

Dear Bumble,

Slow down. I have a feeling the centuries-long struggle of women deserves a better standard-bearer than a “me-too” (not to be confused with #MeToo, something with actual value) dating app. Your only schtick is that you eliminate the possibility of a first message of “...anal?” from a stupid boy who…

:: old man rant :: How I long for the days when we could safely dismiss the opinions of people face tattoos and/or anyone named “Lil ____”*.

Dear Everyone,

Teenage boys are monsters, film at eleven.

Meanwhile the team owners will attempt to recoup the loss by increasing ticket, concession and parking fees and claiming their 20-year-old stadium is rotting and they need half a billion in public school money for a new one.

The price seems steep, though I admit if they included Marvel vs. Capcom and Carrier Air Wing they probably would have had me.

“owe the police a ‘debt of gratitude’

Counterpoint: no it doesn’t.

Can your nana be my nana?

Ah, white nationalism: the most rotten twig of the branch of authoritarianism on the trunk of patriarchy of the tree of toxic masculinity, where the leaves spell out “I need a daddy to feel safe in this world”.

The face that says “I won at capitalism and you didn’t, bitches”.

So very much telling evil in that photo, from both partners.

You watch far too much television. It’s made you paranoid and prone to stereotypes. You should probably get off Facebook too.

But irrespective of that, they still want the big-boy toys because “it’s a war zone out there, kid”. #FTP

“All lives matter....but not as much as guns.”

Sounds like we would have gotten along juuuuust fine in our twenties. Was that you in the holding tank?

That guy’s had like five Super Bowl victories since that photo was taken. Gonna go cry in my morning beer now.