Obnoxious and greedy politicians never make it in the end!

Maybe this is a good place to brag on my wife (slightly OT):

Wouldn’t be funny if nobody wanted one this time lol

I remember the good old days of trying to come up with the perfect lyrics to express my teenage angst in my AIM away messages. 

[Borat voice] 

All time favorite high school mean girl (and the Janis Ian-est Janis Ian):

She moonlights as a bartender a couple of nights a week down at TJ Calamity’s in the Old Orchard Mall. 

Lacey is also all over the Hallmark channel. She’s been working non-stop. It’s not Cannes, but she’s not turning tricks in Dubai. 

Same! I also have terrible digestion, so the few times I ate before a run I’ve had to shit on peoples yards behind their bushes :(

Way to shutdown the misconception that bisexuality is a detour on the road to hetero happiness, Miley. What a solid ally you are to the LGBTQ+ community.

Too late to edit but it's also insulting to lesbians. Too many people think that women are only lesbians because they haven't met the right man. That one day, a magical penis will turn them straight. Which would be laughable if "corrective rape" didn't exist

“I always thought I had to be gay because all guys are evil but that’s not true”

That Miley statement sounds insulting to both her ex-husband and ex-gf. I'm beginning to think Miley might be a bitch

Just spoke to President @RTErdogan of Turkey. He told me there was minor sniper and mortar fire that was quickly eliminated. He very much wants the ceasefire, or pause, to work. Likewise, the Kurds want it, and the ultimate solution, to happen.

We call it “relationship tofu” - you don’t have a personality/style of your own; but you’re great at taking on whatever flavor your partner has. 

E!

Gauche means tacky. Gouache is paint. <3

I believe the real reason Paul Rudd knows so much about the Titanic, is that he was onboard when it sank and managed to make it into a lifeboat. Dude’s immortal.

I’m forced to agree 100% with Jason.

This is (should be) the job of one or more of the wedding party.