Yeah, my husband has been on keto (eyeroll) for some months now, and he just gets a burrito bowl with extra meat, no rice/no beans. If someone has to put that on an actual menu... then a lot of people must not understand their own damn diets.

You’re so fucking gross I love you.

Those spicy Mexicans! (Just kidding). It sucks how family members have mental illnesses that are sometimes described as just their temperament. I had a cousin, who is my age, try to stab his own mother when we were 16. All my tias were like “he’s just a moody teen!” And I’m like I’m also a moody teen but I’m not…

Um yeah that’s generally a good rule, but when you’re from divorced parents and ALREADY have been having to split those two days and omg now you have to consider in-laws. Fuck the holidays.

That dog hates her. That dog is the alpha in the house. I bet that dog would be a better host. 

Glad to see someone else thought the same thing. 

When I see bouquets it’s the only thing I think of 

I LOVE LAMP

I’ve thought about this a lot, too, and I do believe it’s the 90s revival thing. It kinda makes me sad that it’s a fad... but I guess if it’s exposing her music to younger generations, it’s not bad? (woah that was a lot of unintentional rhyming!) I put her music on the playlist for my little sisters’ quinceañera this…

Yes, I know :)

Don’t give in to pressure. Make a list of what you both ABSOLUTELY feel like you need to have, and then work your way down. Budget budget budget and stick to it. $175 for a dress is fantastic! If your budget for the dress was initially higher, now you have some extra money for something else. I think we ended up…

I’ve disliked her music and her sexy-baby persona since she started out, but, fuck. Yeah. This past year has made me like her. And I really really REALLY hope that this has been all her own doing, not just her PR machine or someone else saying “oh you ended your engagement here’s a song to release now”. And yeah, I…

“This kind of exploitation is as American as a well-manicured lawn.” Aaaaaand you know who maintains that lawn? 

That’s the shittiest rap verse ever. It’s nonsense. Tupac needs to come back from Cuba and show Nicki how to fucking write a real diss.

We had tacos at my wedding and the goddamn caterer ran out of tortillas like, five minutes into dinner. I almost threw a tantrum but then I saw the guests were more than happy to just slop the food down on the plate and eat with a fork. Even if there had been a small fire in the room, I don’t think anyone would have…

I hate that quote, about making clothes for “real women”. I understand that there is a need for a range of sizes, and quite frankly it’s fucked up that all clothes don’t automatically come in 00-40 and beyond, but every time a designer says they’re making clothes for “real women” and mean it to be plus sized, I get…

This was the worst fucking thing I’ve watched in my life. 

One of my best friends accidentally sent me a video of him peeing (first person POV, so full on dick and piss as seen from above). I received it but didn’t open it, and he sent me a text about five minutes later BEGGING me not to watch it. So of course I watched it. It was intended for some guy he had been seeing and…

My aunt is truly the karaoke queen. She sang Jose Alfredo Jimenez while dressed up as the monopoly man at my halloween party. And nailed it. 

Please don’t write the words “trump” and “thongs” next to each other ever again.