Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.
allaboutthatbacon
allaboutthatbacon
My avatar!! Or rather a frame or two before it. Anyway, one long weekend, Mr. I’llhave and I were in Montreal in a hotel with very thin walls (He picked the place. Never again.). Around 3 am the headboard banging starts, then the moaning. REALLY loud. It went on for quite some time before I decided to make this the…
In high school, the reply “your mom” was super popular where I was (possibly years after it was popular everywhere else) and people used it constantly. Because I have a super dark sense of humor, I waited and waited for the perfect time when someone would thoughtlessly say that to me and it finally happened one day…
My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”
If I had a million dollars we wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner, but we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we’d just eat more, and buy really expensive ketchups with it. That’s right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchups.
Way to bury the lede with that Neville Longbottom item, Stassa. YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT IN THIS BUSINESS!!!!!
One time when I was outside of a Cheesecake Factory smoking a cigarette a man propositioned me thinking I was a hooker.
They got engaged and married in pretty short order, and I know quite a few people (some Duggar fans, others NOT SO MUCH) who think they actually planned the wedding around her cycle because it is a weird source of pride to get pregnant on your first shot in some uber-conservative circles. Can you imagine??
“I hate everything about this country. Like, I hate fat white Americans. All the people who are crunched into the middle of America, the real fat and meat of America, are these racist conservative white people who live on their farms. Those little teenage girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma—that’s really…
Yes, because we know nothing that happens to a family member a year older than us can possibly affect us in any way, no matter how bad it is or how young and vulnerable we may be when it happens. We live in our own little bubbles and other people's adversity has zero impact on us in any meaningful way. Her sister's…
My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…
Cruz was valedictorian of his high school, graduated cum laude from Princeton, where he was a champion debater and graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law, where, like Obama, he was a editor for the Harvard Law Review. A professor described him as "off-the-charts brilliant." Cruz is no idiot, he's just a giant…
Sure, but do her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard? Because with my milkshakes, the boys never leave the yard.
You pay for your food, you tip for your service...I wish people would just understand that...
I dated a "local celebrity" for 3 years, and always suspected that he may not have been faithful, but could never prove it. I was working as a sales assistant at a radio station, and we had a staff meeting with our newest hire. This was right after I had finally broken up with the dude, and my supervisor was saying…
Yup. If a diet requires eliminating an entire food group, it's bullshit. OH WORD? BREAD IS POISON? Maybe tell that to the hundreds of generations of people who have survived on it since the dawn of agriculture. Also make sure to tell modern civilization that it exists thanks to poison. Now go die and let me eat my…
I am honestly so sick of hearing about everyone's paleo diet. You can't eat a slice of bread in front of one of these yutzes without hearing about omg bread is poison. And cheese is poison. And white potatoes are poison. What ever happened to moderation, eating lots of vegetables and maintaining healthy portions?…
It's better to be proud of being Irish than to be proud of being Bill Maher.
"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel" (Proverbs 12:10)